I'm back!
I would ask if you even noticed I've been gone, but let's just assume you have. Where have I been you ask? I'll be happy to tell you.
1. Moving into a new job. I am still in Special Education, but heading down a completely different path at the moment. So far it's exciting, challenging, terrifying and rewarding all in one.
2. Finishing Calculus II. The end of Calculus occurred on Saturday, November 17 at 4 pm. There was celebrating. A very yummy raspberry margarita, shrimp fajitas and some shopping. 3 more weekends and I will have earned a Master's Degree. There might need to be a party to celebrate that one....
3. Continuing on my fitness journey. I think I assumed at some point this would become easy for me. Don't misunderstand, many things are easier. Bear Crawls and Rope Climbs don't make me want to cry. I can do Burpees without worrying about getting sick. I still struggle with Valslider Army Crawls and being able to do a pull-up still eludes me. What I am realizing is that I have a choice to make everyday. Will I do what I know I should, which means exercise and eat in a way that will help my body? Or will I half-ass it and end the day feeling pretty rotten?
Most often I choose to do what's best for my body. When stress mounts as it has lately and sore, tight muscles are complaining (I now know all about my piriformis muscles...) I have to force myself to do what's right. I am thankful I know what is right, I haven't always. That pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream tastes good, but the feeling if I eat the entire pint is not a good one. I'm learning that those first 1 or 2 bites are what taste the best, the others just don't. So if it doesn't taste as wonderful I should stop eating it, right?? Yep, working on that one still.
I have new measurements for you too. Just finished up a 5 week session and am looking forward to this recovery week. I'm going to keep active, but perhaps step it back a notch while I work on stretching out those piriformis muscles so I don't end up with pain that radiates up and down my back and butt. Nothing like wondering if your tailbone really is on fire to make elusive sleep stay even further away.
A note for anyone wondering why you won't see a weight measurement here. I have to step away from the scale for awhile. It seems to be stuck at the same number and I know my body is changing. I don't want that one number to make me crazy so I'm not going to measure my weight. I'll go with inches, body fat percentage and how my clothes fit. I will step on the scale once a month, but it won't be the way I measure progress.
So without further ado and mindless chatter...here are those numbers:
Body Fat Percentage: 26.2% (down 3.8% from Oct. 8)
Hips: 47.5 inches (down 1.75 inches from Oct. 8)
Waist: 39.25 inches (down 0.25 inches from Oct. 8)
Thigh: 26.25 inches (same as Oct. 8)
Arm: 13.50 inches (up 0.25 inches from Oct. 8)
I was going to give you the grand total so far for inches and body fat percentage, but I'll save that for after measurements in December and give you a year end total since that will be about 12 months since I started this journey. I'm thrilled with my numbers and this new stronger body.
Thank you for your continued support and interest in my journey and as always: Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
It's Worth It
I've been quiet for some time now. Mostly because real life found me under my lurking rock and dragged me kicking and screaming out. Not much time to write when your goal is to get back under your rock and hide.
Yes, I have changed in the past ten months, but I haven't changed that much. When things get overwhelming I still choose retreat. If you corner me I'll come out fighting, but at heart I prefer fleeing.
As you have probably guessed I lived through my break from exercise. When I came back I was hesitant and unsure about deadlifting again. I know it wasn't the deadlifts that caused the problems. That blame would be mine for choosing to ignore my body's signals that all was not well and I needed to back off. Last night in personal training I did deadlifts again. It was 185 pounds, not my record of 305 pounds but it felt good. Actually it felt amazing. I used proper form, concentrated on lengthening my spine and not even a twinge from my lower back. Maybe my heavy lifting days aren't over after all. :)
I got to show Ben my rope climbs last night too. He was there the first time I ever did them when I could barely haul myself up and going down consisted of thumping to the floor because my arms hurt too much to lower my body. My arms still hurt last night, but I did it. I'd like to think I impressed Ben, but then I'm a teacher's pet at heart. I did get a high five when personal training was over...I'd say I did a good job.
Last Friday morning I got a gift from a friend. Someone I really admire actually, because she pushes herself to be better every time and she makes most of the things we do in class look easy. She framed a print for me and now that print takes place of pride on my desk. Thanks Ami for thinking of me and giving me the nudge to get up, dust off and get back to it.
For those who are curious I'll post it. I believe you can find it on HasFit.com if you want it for yourself .
It will hurt.
It will take time.
It will require sacrifice.
It will require dedication.
It will require willpower.
You will need to make healthy decisions.
You will need to push your body to its max.
There will be temptation
And days when you want to give up,
But when you reach your goal,
IT'S WORTH IT!
I guess since I've left my comfort zone far behind it's probably time to walk away from my lurking rock too. I'll miss it, but there's a big wide world out here that I've ignored for far too long. I know it won't always be easy or fun, but it's what I have to do.
Thank you for taking the time to read and to let me know you're reading. I know everyone who reads this has a million other things clamoring for their attention and I hope this blog offers a small break.
Yes, I have changed in the past ten months, but I haven't changed that much. When things get overwhelming I still choose retreat. If you corner me I'll come out fighting, but at heart I prefer fleeing.
As you have probably guessed I lived through my break from exercise. When I came back I was hesitant and unsure about deadlifting again. I know it wasn't the deadlifts that caused the problems. That blame would be mine for choosing to ignore my body's signals that all was not well and I needed to back off. Last night in personal training I did deadlifts again. It was 185 pounds, not my record of 305 pounds but it felt good. Actually it felt amazing. I used proper form, concentrated on lengthening my spine and not even a twinge from my lower back. Maybe my heavy lifting days aren't over after all. :)
I got to show Ben my rope climbs last night too. He was there the first time I ever did them when I could barely haul myself up and going down consisted of thumping to the floor because my arms hurt too much to lower my body. My arms still hurt last night, but I did it. I'd like to think I impressed Ben, but then I'm a teacher's pet at heart. I did get a high five when personal training was over...I'd say I did a good job.
Last Friday morning I got a gift from a friend. Someone I really admire actually, because she pushes herself to be better every time and she makes most of the things we do in class look easy. She framed a print for me and now that print takes place of pride on my desk. Thanks Ami for thinking of me and giving me the nudge to get up, dust off and get back to it.
For those who are curious I'll post it. I believe you can find it on HasFit.com if you want it for yourself .
It will hurt.
It will take time.
It will require sacrifice.
It will require dedication.
It will require willpower.
You will need to make healthy decisions.
You will need to push your body to its max.
There will be temptation
And days when you want to give up,
But when you reach your goal,
IT'S WORTH IT!
I guess since I've left my comfort zone far behind it's probably time to walk away from my lurking rock too. I'll miss it, but there's a big wide world out here that I've ignored for far too long. I know it won't always be easy or fun, but it's what I have to do.
Thank you for taking the time to read and to let me know you're reading. I know everyone who reads this has a million other things clamoring for their attention and I hope this blog offers a small break.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Numbers, numbers everywhere!
I am two days into my break from bootcamp and I have one thing to say: I HATE THIS!
It was so hard to walk into Derby this morning and just have my measurements taken. I was going to go to All-Star Workout tonight and get a workout in anyway, but I am smart enough and adult enough to know listening to my instructor is going to be much better for me in the long run. So I am sitting here to write this blog post, then I'm going to get off my butt and clean. I have to do something, even if it involves cleaning.
I know I need a break, I know it is for the best, I know it is only one week and nothing irreparable will happen in one week. I know all these things and I'm reminding myself of them constantly. I would like to take a moment to thank Tyler for telling me I needed a break (no, I am not being sarcastic...okay, I am not being too sarcastic).
I suppose this is a way for me to learn patience and that I need to be careful. I should have learned that by now, but since I didn't there's no time like the present. Did I mention it's a VMI weekend too? I may have to run on Friday and Saturday so I don't explode. I don't think it's safe to face Calculus with no exercise at all.
Since this is my second post in two days I won't drag this out. I'll give you my new measurements and let you get back to your evening. There's a kitchen floor just begging to be scrubbed.
October 8, 2012 Measurements
Weight: 255 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 30%
Hips: 49.25 inches
Waist: 39.5 inches
Thigh: 26.25 inches
Arm: 13.25 inches
Now let's see how far I've come since January 2012:
Weight: lost 38 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 7.9%
Hips: lost 5.5 inches
Waist: lost 4.75 inches
Thigh: lost 1.5 inches
Arm: lost 1.25 inches
I've lost a grand total of 13 inches. I have muscles I can feel in places that I didn't know there were muscles. My hipbones aren't quite as buried under fat as they once were and I was actually able to shop in an Old Navy store instead of online. I have been able to find clothes in the women's section of Kohl's instead of immediately going to the Plus Size department.
Thanks for reading...
It was so hard to walk into Derby this morning and just have my measurements taken. I was going to go to All-Star Workout tonight and get a workout in anyway, but I am smart enough and adult enough to know listening to my instructor is going to be much better for me in the long run. So I am sitting here to write this blog post, then I'm going to get off my butt and clean. I have to do something, even if it involves cleaning.
I know I need a break, I know it is for the best, I know it is only one week and nothing irreparable will happen in one week. I know all these things and I'm reminding myself of them constantly. I would like to take a moment to thank Tyler for telling me I needed a break (no, I am not being sarcastic...okay, I am not being too sarcastic).
I suppose this is a way for me to learn patience and that I need to be careful. I should have learned that by now, but since I didn't there's no time like the present. Did I mention it's a VMI weekend too? I may have to run on Friday and Saturday so I don't explode. I don't think it's safe to face Calculus with no exercise at all.
Since this is my second post in two days I won't drag this out. I'll give you my new measurements and let you get back to your evening. There's a kitchen floor just begging to be scrubbed.
October 8, 2012 Measurements
Weight: 255 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 30%
Hips: 49.25 inches
Waist: 39.5 inches
Thigh: 26.25 inches
Arm: 13.25 inches
Now let's see how far I've come since January 2012:
Weight: lost 38 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 7.9%
Hips: lost 5.5 inches
Waist: lost 4.75 inches
Thigh: lost 1.5 inches
Arm: lost 1.25 inches
I've lost a grand total of 13 inches. I have muscles I can feel in places that I didn't know there were muscles. My hipbones aren't quite as buried under fat as they once were and I was actually able to shop in an Old Navy store instead of online. I have been able to find clothes in the women's section of Kohl's instead of immediately going to the Plus Size department.
Thanks for reading...
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Break Time
Another bootcamp session is over. The down week has started and I'm not planning on completing another workout until Monday, October 15. There are classes and activities planned for the down week, I could certainly go and exercise. The fact is I've been asked not to. Tyler suggested that I use the down week to rest. I argued, but it was a pretty half-hearted argument.
I know Tyler is right: I need to rest. My aching lower back, glutes and knees make that pretty clear. Something else made it even clearer: my attitude. For the first time in many months I have not wanted to work out. I did work out, but I don't think any of the instructors were fooled. "I" wasn't really there. I gave what I could, but I didn't have any "all" to give.
Since I've been honest in the past I'll be honest now too:
1. I'm exhausted. I think I've cried more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 9 months. I cry after workouts, because I hurt and because I know what I just did was nothing close to the best I could do. That bothers me.
2. I'm afraid: I'm supposed to run a half-marathon in January and right now I don't see any possible way I will be able to do it. Friends have told me I can walk, as long as I can complete a mile in 16 minutes or less I can do it. The thing is I want to run. I want to feel what I felt in June when I finished my first 5K. That surge of happiness that I did something I never thought I could. I don't feel that now: running has become a chore and one I resent whole-heartedly.
3. I'm angry: I posted a status on Facebook saying I wanted to see how many more people I could make unhappy on Tuesday and a friend emailed me to say she wasn't angry or unhappy. My thought at the time was "So glad you're not angry or unhappy: I'm angry and unhappy enough for both of us". She also reminded me that I have to do what is best for me, not always worry about what everyone else thinks. Which leads nicely into #4...
4. I'm worried: Needing this break and actually taking it I worry I am letting people down. Yeah, I know, I spend WAY too much time worrying. I need to take care of myself too. I think the aches and exhaustion are my body's way of getting my attention.
I'm not going to go on a week-long binge however. I am going to be very careful with my nutrition. My goal is to be on the Ben's Bootcamp Wall of Fame some day. I'd like to be someone new bootcampers feel they can talk to. Right now I feel about as approachable as a porcupine. That will change. I don't think I'll ever be outgoing, but I will at least be approachable again.
So during the down week I'm going to rest and regroup. I'm going to set new goals. I will figure out where I need to go next and how best to get there. If I take the time to really listen and ask for help, I am sure I will get where I am supposed to be.
Thanks for taking the time to read...
I know Tyler is right: I need to rest. My aching lower back, glutes and knees make that pretty clear. Something else made it even clearer: my attitude. For the first time in many months I have not wanted to work out. I did work out, but I don't think any of the instructors were fooled. "I" wasn't really there. I gave what I could, but I didn't have any "all" to give.
Since I've been honest in the past I'll be honest now too:
1. I'm exhausted. I think I've cried more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 9 months. I cry after workouts, because I hurt and because I know what I just did was nothing close to the best I could do. That bothers me.
2. I'm afraid: I'm supposed to run a half-marathon in January and right now I don't see any possible way I will be able to do it. Friends have told me I can walk, as long as I can complete a mile in 16 minutes or less I can do it. The thing is I want to run. I want to feel what I felt in June when I finished my first 5K. That surge of happiness that I did something I never thought I could. I don't feel that now: running has become a chore and one I resent whole-heartedly.
3. I'm angry: I posted a status on Facebook saying I wanted to see how many more people I could make unhappy on Tuesday and a friend emailed me to say she wasn't angry or unhappy. My thought at the time was "So glad you're not angry or unhappy: I'm angry and unhappy enough for both of us". She also reminded me that I have to do what is best for me, not always worry about what everyone else thinks. Which leads nicely into #4...
4. I'm worried: Needing this break and actually taking it I worry I am letting people down. Yeah, I know, I spend WAY too much time worrying. I need to take care of myself too. I think the aches and exhaustion are my body's way of getting my attention.
I'm not going to go on a week-long binge however. I am going to be very careful with my nutrition. My goal is to be on the Ben's Bootcamp Wall of Fame some day. I'd like to be someone new bootcampers feel they can talk to. Right now I feel about as approachable as a porcupine. That will change. I don't think I'll ever be outgoing, but I will at least be approachable again.
So during the down week I'm going to rest and regroup. I'm going to set new goals. I will figure out where I need to go next and how best to get there. If I take the time to really listen and ask for help, I am sure I will get where I am supposed to be.
Thanks for taking the time to read...
Friday, September 28, 2012
What am I doing??
As you might be able to guess from the title I am in a doubting frame of mind at the moment. I do know how to handle this without whining to all the people who take time out of their day to read my blog, but this is my journey and I'm being honest. If I make every post all sunshine and joy I'm not being honest and I'm not being real. This journey isn't always easy. I will keep the whining to a minimum.
It's been a hard week. I seem to be fighting a cold at the moment which usually makes me crabby. My workouts this week seemed to be more about going through the motions and praying to get to the end than taking any real joy in what I can do now. Don't get me wrong: I definitely appreciate what I can do now, but this week it didn't bring me any joy.
Monday morning I got my 10th top performer dog tag after bootcamp. I get my next month of personal training free. That's a huge deal and I should have been thrilled. Instead I really wanted to question the instructor to find out what I did that was good. It was all I could to haul my butt through that workout.
I KNOW I am my own worst critic and I am 100 times harder on myself than is ever warranted, so I bit my tongue and said thank you. I put on a good face and I really did appreciate the recognition, even if it felt completely undeserved. I have to trust that my instructor sees something I don't and he definitely knows what he's doing and talking about.
Tuesday I brought a friend to bootcamp with me. She did an amazing job & she is still speaking to me even if she was sore. Again, I felt like I was hauling my butt through the workout and my only goal was to get it done so I could leave. That's not me, that attitude hasn't been mine since the beginning of the mooser competition.
Wednesday was Warrior Class, which I normally love. I enjoyed it this week, but not like I normally do. The goal was to complete 7 rounds of the exercises before the end of class.
1 round consisted of
10 kettlebell snatches (each arm)
6 tire flips (the tire flips hurt my back so it was modified to 12 Goblet Squats with a 30 pound dumbbell)
1 pond run (modified to a Birch run and I had to keep running the entire time)
8 double kettlebell clean, squat, presses
10 sledgehammer slams (each arm)
I made it through 6 and that was a struggle. I hit the wall at the end of round 6 and I was done. I stretched out my aching back, glutes and hamstrings and wondered what the heck was wrong with me.
Someone who is much wiser than me suggested that I need a break. That I have been pushing myself for a long while now and it might be time to use the down week as a break to give my body and mind time to regroup and renew so I can focus on my goals again and avoid injury.
The idea of a complete break and a week where I only think about being compliant with my nutrition scares me. I agree it's probably needed and I'll be better for it.
This morning I stood in front of my nemesis the scale. I haven't weighed myself since the last measurements and I wasn't looking forward to doing it this morning. I know the scale gives me a number that means nothing, but years of brainwashing have convinced me that number is important too. Unfortunately that number has pretty much stalled or gone up since the beginning of August. I was expecting the same this morning and was fully prepared to see that 258 pounds had gone up again.
I got a pleasant surprise, it was down to 256. I know my body isn't the same, but I'd really appreciate the scale giving me the same information. People are always shocked when I tell them my weight really hasn't changed much since May. My inches and body fat percentage have changed a lot and I try to focus on that, but that number on the scale still means something too.
So at the end of the day: I'm human. I get discouraged and pissed off with situations that are really none of my business, but irritating nonetheless. I whine and complain and forget I am not alone in this. I promised I wouldn't preach at you in my blog, and I won't. Thank you God for your strength (and thank you to KC and JA for the reminders that I'm not ever in this alone).
Thanks for reading...back to your regularly scheduled day now.
It's been a hard week. I seem to be fighting a cold at the moment which usually makes me crabby. My workouts this week seemed to be more about going through the motions and praying to get to the end than taking any real joy in what I can do now. Don't get me wrong: I definitely appreciate what I can do now, but this week it didn't bring me any joy.
Monday morning I got my 10th top performer dog tag after bootcamp. I get my next month of personal training free. That's a huge deal and I should have been thrilled. Instead I really wanted to question the instructor to find out what I did that was good. It was all I could to haul my butt through that workout.
I KNOW I am my own worst critic and I am 100 times harder on myself than is ever warranted, so I bit my tongue and said thank you. I put on a good face and I really did appreciate the recognition, even if it felt completely undeserved. I have to trust that my instructor sees something I don't and he definitely knows what he's doing and talking about.
Tuesday I brought a friend to bootcamp with me. She did an amazing job & she is still speaking to me even if she was sore. Again, I felt like I was hauling my butt through the workout and my only goal was to get it done so I could leave. That's not me, that attitude hasn't been mine since the beginning of the mooser competition.
Wednesday was Warrior Class, which I normally love. I enjoyed it this week, but not like I normally do. The goal was to complete 7 rounds of the exercises before the end of class.
1 round consisted of
10 kettlebell snatches (each arm)
6 tire flips (the tire flips hurt my back so it was modified to 12 Goblet Squats with a 30 pound dumbbell)
1 pond run (modified to a Birch run and I had to keep running the entire time)
8 double kettlebell clean, squat, presses
10 sledgehammer slams (each arm)
I made it through 6 and that was a struggle. I hit the wall at the end of round 6 and I was done. I stretched out my aching back, glutes and hamstrings and wondered what the heck was wrong with me.
Someone who is much wiser than me suggested that I need a break. That I have been pushing myself for a long while now and it might be time to use the down week as a break to give my body and mind time to regroup and renew so I can focus on my goals again and avoid injury.
The idea of a complete break and a week where I only think about being compliant with my nutrition scares me. I agree it's probably needed and I'll be better for it.
This morning I stood in front of my nemesis the scale. I haven't weighed myself since the last measurements and I wasn't looking forward to doing it this morning. I know the scale gives me a number that means nothing, but years of brainwashing have convinced me that number is important too. Unfortunately that number has pretty much stalled or gone up since the beginning of August. I was expecting the same this morning and was fully prepared to see that 258 pounds had gone up again.
I got a pleasant surprise, it was down to 256. I know my body isn't the same, but I'd really appreciate the scale giving me the same information. People are always shocked when I tell them my weight really hasn't changed much since May. My inches and body fat percentage have changed a lot and I try to focus on that, but that number on the scale still means something too.
So at the end of the day: I'm human. I get discouraged and pissed off with situations that are really none of my business, but irritating nonetheless. I whine and complain and forget I am not alone in this. I promised I wouldn't preach at you in my blog, and I won't. Thank you God for your strength (and thank you to KC and JA for the reminders that I'm not ever in this alone).
Thanks for reading...back to your regularly scheduled day now.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Priorities
- To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. ~Anatole France
- So, let's start this off with a question. What are the priorities in your life? Family? Friends? Your job? Pets? Exercise? God?
- I used to be able to answer with no hesitation my priorities were job, family and friends. My job definitely came first for me. My identity was completely tied up in being a special educator. I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone that putting everything I had into my job didn't make me happy. I took every bit of constructive criticism as proof I wasn't good enough. Putting my job first wasn't ever going to make me happy, but it sure meant I didn't need to spend any time on myself. That was a priority too, putting everyone and everything in my life above myself.
- We all know when that changed, but do you know why it changed? I have never held back before, I'm not about to censor myself now. The part of my brain that would like to filter my words is practically screaming at me not to write any of this. Since I haven't heeded the filter before there's little to no chance I'm going to listen to it now.
- My priorities had to change because I was miserable. Completely, utterly miserable and so depressed getting out of bed was a chore. I pasted on a smile, I volunteered for every extra task I could at work and I threw myself into the coursework for my master's degree hoping it would make me feel better. All I felt was tired and more and more down as time passed. I knew I was ignoring myself, but that was so much easier than admitting I was miserable and doing something about it. I had no reason to be so unhappy so I kept telling myself to get over it.
I had applied to be a biggest mooser contestant before January 2012, but it wasn't time yet. I had tried bootcamp and pretty much failed miserably. I wasn't ready to commit myself to the program and trust the instructors. I wanted results, but on my terms. I'd do almost anything as long as no one asked me to trust them. - So what changed?
- I changed. I discovered there is something outside my little life. I decided it was past time to see if living a different way could make me happy. If I could find a way beat the depression without resorting to taking drugs that made me feel flat and blah.
DISCLAIMER: I am not knocking antidepressants. I've taken them, for me they were not the answer. Please, please, please: don't make decisions or do things based on me. Talk to your doctor. This is my story, not me telling you how to live. - Obviously I was chosen as a Biggest Mooser contestant and I finished the competition, though most of the time the ONLY thing keeping me in it was that I could please someone else. The occasional "atta girl" or high five from an instructor didn't hurt either, I love praise.
- My priorities really hadn't changed in April when the contest ended. I'm sure they seemed to have changed to anyone who knew me. I continued going to bootcamp even though I wasn't the "Biggest Mooser". I am a perpetual people pleaser and I transferred my desire to excel as a special educator to my desire to make the bootcamp instructors proud of me.
- It wasn't until I went on a 2 week vacation after school ended that I discovered I actually LIKED to exercise and I felt better when I exercised. No instructor, no bootcamp friends, just me and a workout I put together. Planks, squats, high knees, push ups, burpees: nothing fancy, but I made myself go until I was sweating every time.
There wasn't a morning I finished and had an epiphany in the shower or anything. It was coming home and actually looking forward to going to bootcamp for ME. Not because Ben, Tyler, Mary or Stacey would be happy to see me (I think they were) but because I enjoyed the time to focus on my body and pushing myself. - Now I am trying to cut down to 3 bootcamp classes per week plus personal training and Warrior Class. I also have a Wellness Center class I love, All-Star Workout.
- I asked you a question at the beginning and I'd like to answer it myself with my new priorities: My faith, exercise, family, friends and my job.
I've discovered that not putting my job in first place has actually made me a better teacher. My ego isn't tied into being perfect so I can accept comments and suggestions without feeling that it means I'm awful at what I do. There are days I leave work grouchy out-of-sorts and wondering why I chose to teach, but those days I can usually count on a workout to adjust my attitude and remind me of my priorities.
Now...on with the weekend. Wishing everyone a wonderful time. - Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Running & randomness...
I ran another 5K on Sunday. The Annual Fall Foliage Run to benefit the Old Stone House Museum. I had new sneakers and I was feeling confident. Well, that confidence lasted until my shins started to ache, then my breathing got off and it went downhill from there. I still have not mastered continuing to run when my mind is convinced I need to stop. My body is definitely stronger and capable of being pushed more than I do push when I run. I'll push in bootcamp with no problems-Now I need to bring that to my running.
It got me thinking HARD about things. I finished the 5K in 50:15 and I said I was proud of that. I know I should be, but that's where the problem is. I KNOW I should be proud of myself, I know where I came from. The problem is I want to be at the end NOW! I'm not saying I mind the hard work. When I don't work out I feel out-of-sorts, like I'm letting someone down. Not that I'm letting myself down, but someone else. It feels completely selfish to say I workout because I enjoy it. I always want to give some deep, meaningful reason, like doing something for myself just isn't okay.
While I was running or at some point after I must have strained or woken up some weak muscles in my lower back. Monday morning I was standing at the kitchen sink getting my water for the day when my lower back seized up. If you've experienced that before you know what I'm talking about and you are probably wincing right now. If you have never felt that I hope you don't, it hurt and I have a pretty high pain threshold (just ask, I ignore or hide sprained ankles and broken toes to keep working out. Not recommended by the way) . I have been trying to be more careful and use ice and heat to treat sore muscles instead of diving into the ibuprofen bottle, but Monday morning when I finally felt like I could move I took 6 tablets and hoped it would work fast (Yes, that was 1200 mg. of Ibuprofen. I don't recommend it, but I was desperate for relief).
Monday passed and as long as I didn't stand still or sit for too long I was okay. The funny thing, though I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than me could explain it, is my back didn't bother me at all during bootcamp at 5:30 am or at 6:15 pm when I went to All-Star Workout. Any other time it was a balancing act not to sit or stand for too long. I kept moving as much as I could so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain.
Tuesday I could sit and stand normally with only a few twinges to remind me I did something. Bootcamp was fine, no pain, but a ton of sweat. Personal training wasn't so fine. Those copper kettlebells just were not coming up for double KB squats and it made me angry and upset. I was reminded several times that sometimes it's not about pushing the weight. Yes, I know, but I WANT to push the weight. I listened to my trainer and what I did do I think I did darn well. I got to try Rope Climbs again and anyone who has been reading this blog for awhile knows my first personal training session with rope climbs resulted in me huddled on the floor crying. Not on Tuesday night: I might have struggled with them, but I could do 6 reps.
Wednesday morning I did something I don't often do. I took a break. I slept later and didn't panic that I had missed bootcamp. I'm pretty sure no one is going to tell me I'm through and I've been kicked out of bootcamp for getting some rest. Plus I knew I had Warrior Class coming at 6 pm.
Warrior Class was wonderful as always. My back feels almost back to normal and the twinges were a good reminder to use my legs and knees to lift those kettlebells, not my back. I know I've heard that before...but you may have noticed I have to learn a lot of lessons the hard way.
So what can I take away from my experiences this week?
1. I have a lot to be proud of myself for and I need to acknowledge that.
2. It really is okay to say I workout for myself and how good it makes me feel. I feel strong and powerful now, instead of weak and mousy: I should enjoy that.
3. I need to keep running and practicing.
4. I am blessed beyond belief to have friends who love me even when I am less than lovable.
5. Taking a break is not the end of the world.
I'll let you get back to your regularly scheduled evening now.
Thanks for reading!
It got me thinking HARD about things. I finished the 5K in 50:15 and I said I was proud of that. I know I should be, but that's where the problem is. I KNOW I should be proud of myself, I know where I came from. The problem is I want to be at the end NOW! I'm not saying I mind the hard work. When I don't work out I feel out-of-sorts, like I'm letting someone down. Not that I'm letting myself down, but someone else. It feels completely selfish to say I workout because I enjoy it. I always want to give some deep, meaningful reason, like doing something for myself just isn't okay.
While I was running or at some point after I must have strained or woken up some weak muscles in my lower back. Monday morning I was standing at the kitchen sink getting my water for the day when my lower back seized up. If you've experienced that before you know what I'm talking about and you are probably wincing right now. If you have never felt that I hope you don't, it hurt and I have a pretty high pain threshold (just ask, I ignore or hide sprained ankles and broken toes to keep working out. Not recommended by the way) . I have been trying to be more careful and use ice and heat to treat sore muscles instead of diving into the ibuprofen bottle, but Monday morning when I finally felt like I could move I took 6 tablets and hoped it would work fast (Yes, that was 1200 mg. of Ibuprofen. I don't recommend it, but I was desperate for relief).
Monday passed and as long as I didn't stand still or sit for too long I was okay. The funny thing, though I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than me could explain it, is my back didn't bother me at all during bootcamp at 5:30 am or at 6:15 pm when I went to All-Star Workout. Any other time it was a balancing act not to sit or stand for too long. I kept moving as much as I could so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain.
Tuesday I could sit and stand normally with only a few twinges to remind me I did something. Bootcamp was fine, no pain, but a ton of sweat. Personal training wasn't so fine. Those copper kettlebells just were not coming up for double KB squats and it made me angry and upset. I was reminded several times that sometimes it's not about pushing the weight. Yes, I know, but I WANT to push the weight. I listened to my trainer and what I did do I think I did darn well. I got to try Rope Climbs again and anyone who has been reading this blog for awhile knows my first personal training session with rope climbs resulted in me huddled on the floor crying. Not on Tuesday night: I might have struggled with them, but I could do 6 reps.
Wednesday morning I did something I don't often do. I took a break. I slept later and didn't panic that I had missed bootcamp. I'm pretty sure no one is going to tell me I'm through and I've been kicked out of bootcamp for getting some rest. Plus I knew I had Warrior Class coming at 6 pm.
Warrior Class was wonderful as always. My back feels almost back to normal and the twinges were a good reminder to use my legs and knees to lift those kettlebells, not my back. I know I've heard that before...but you may have noticed I have to learn a lot of lessons the hard way.
So what can I take away from my experiences this week?
1. I have a lot to be proud of myself for and I need to acknowledge that.
2. It really is okay to say I workout for myself and how good it makes me feel. I feel strong and powerful now, instead of weak and mousy: I should enjoy that.
3. I need to keep running and practicing.
4. I am blessed beyond belief to have friends who love me even when I am less than lovable.
5. Taking a break is not the end of the world.
I'll let you get back to your regularly scheduled evening now.
Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Ahh...Numbers
Let's get right to the important part of this blog. I have new numbers to report and honestly, with the start of the school year and another VMI weekend looming (September 7 & 8) I'm not feeling all that witty. I have some things to say, I'll say them, but first I'll give you those numbers.
Weight: 258 pounds (I checked to be sure the cat wasn't sitting on it with me, but since he's 24 pounds I sort of knew it wasn't him)
Body Fat Percentage: 29.6% (down 1.9%. Nice. :) )
Thigh: 26.75 in. (up 0.5 inches from August 7)
Hips: 49.5 in. (up 0.75 inches from August 7)
Waist: 39.5 in. (same as August 7)
Arm: 13 in. (down 1.5 inches from August 7)
So...my thoughts on these numbers? Well obviously the scale is completely defective and needs to be replaced immediately. I'm thrilled with the body fat percentage. I'm in the average range...seriously, I checked a chart: I have an average percentage of body fat. The thigh measurement doesn't bother me too much, maybe just a little bit. I want them to get smaller. Maybe instead of worrying about a number I should be thankful I have two strong legs that can move me around?
The hip measurement got me, I'm used to that going down. This time it went up and I came close to freaking out about it. Childish, but there it is...I wanted to freak out over a number. Did I? No, I managed to be an adult, but you bet there will be an extra push this month from me during classes in the next session. I like that measurement going down.
My waist stayed the same and that's OK. I expect if I up my effort that number will go down as well.
The arm measurement was a nice surprise. I haven't seen that number go down recently.
What else have I been up to? I'm keeping a food journal again. It's interesting to see what I really eat and that I'm getting better at eating supportively. I have a lean protein and a fibrous carb most meals. I'm even able to have a cheat meal without blowing my nutrition plan completely apart. After the cheat meal I'm anxious to get right back on track. I like to be in control, what can I say.
The 2 areas I need to work on with my nutrition are taking my vitamins and drinking enough water. The rule of thumb is that you should drink half of your body weight in ounces of water per day. I weigh 258 pounds...so I should be drinking at least 129 ounces of water per day. I get about 110 ounces per day, almost enough, but almost enough won't really cut it.
Then the vitamin dilemma. I know I should take them and really I don't mind taking them. The problem being I prefer to take my vitamins before bed and by the time I remember I haven't take them it's 2 am and I am not getting out of bed for anyone. I've thought of training the cat to go get them for me, but I'm guessing by the withering looks he gives me when I suggest it Gizmo has even less interest in getting out of my bed than I do. Yes, I can take them in the morning and that will probably be the solution I settle on. For the moment I am still holding out hope I can remember to take them before bed.
All right, you've spent enough time with me. Go on with your day and I'll go on with mine.
Thanks for reading.
Weight: 258 pounds (I checked to be sure the cat wasn't sitting on it with me, but since he's 24 pounds I sort of knew it wasn't him)
Body Fat Percentage: 29.6% (down 1.9%. Nice. :) )
Thigh: 26.75 in. (up 0.5 inches from August 7)
Hips: 49.5 in. (up 0.75 inches from August 7)
Waist: 39.5 in. (same as August 7)
Arm: 13 in. (down 1.5 inches from August 7)
So...my thoughts on these numbers? Well obviously the scale is completely defective and needs to be replaced immediately. I'm thrilled with the body fat percentage. I'm in the average range...seriously, I checked a chart: I have an average percentage of body fat. The thigh measurement doesn't bother me too much, maybe just a little bit. I want them to get smaller. Maybe instead of worrying about a number I should be thankful I have two strong legs that can move me around?
The hip measurement got me, I'm used to that going down. This time it went up and I came close to freaking out about it. Childish, but there it is...I wanted to freak out over a number. Did I? No, I managed to be an adult, but you bet there will be an extra push this month from me during classes in the next session. I like that measurement going down.
My waist stayed the same and that's OK. I expect if I up my effort that number will go down as well.
The arm measurement was a nice surprise. I haven't seen that number go down recently.
What else have I been up to? I'm keeping a food journal again. It's interesting to see what I really eat and that I'm getting better at eating supportively. I have a lean protein and a fibrous carb most meals. I'm even able to have a cheat meal without blowing my nutrition plan completely apart. After the cheat meal I'm anxious to get right back on track. I like to be in control, what can I say.
The 2 areas I need to work on with my nutrition are taking my vitamins and drinking enough water. The rule of thumb is that you should drink half of your body weight in ounces of water per day. I weigh 258 pounds...so I should be drinking at least 129 ounces of water per day. I get about 110 ounces per day, almost enough, but almost enough won't really cut it.
Then the vitamin dilemma. I know I should take them and really I don't mind taking them. The problem being I prefer to take my vitamins before bed and by the time I remember I haven't take them it's 2 am and I am not getting out of bed for anyone. I've thought of training the cat to go get them for me, but I'm guessing by the withering looks he gives me when I suggest it Gizmo has even less interest in getting out of my bed than I do. Yes, I can take them in the morning and that will probably be the solution I settle on. For the moment I am still holding out hope I can remember to take them before bed.
All right, you've spent enough time with me. Go on with your day and I'll go on with mine.
Thanks for reading.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Commitment & Perseverance
Tomorrow is Friday and my first four days of teaching in the 2012-2013 school year will be in the books. Tomorrow is also the end of a 3-week session at Ben's Bootcamp. Inferno month has been intense, but I made it. Well, let me amend that: tomorrow morning when I get in my car to drive home after my 5:30 am class I will have made it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be okay though. I might be bruised and sore, but I'll heal. I'll take a few minor inconveniences for this stronger, more fit body.
Why am I doing this? This question has been running through my mind a lot this week. I could just give some glib, easy answer, but really I'm curious. I'm uncomfortable with the attention I get, I don't have any desire or intention to "catch a man" and there are mornings I am so stiff/sore I can barely walk when I get up.
So am I just a masochist or is there a deeper reason I workout at least 3 days per week (sometimes 2 workouts in one day)? I'd like to think there's a deeper reason, if you'll indulge me I'll try to elaborate.
I used to be a person who gave up when the going got tough. If something was hard I was much more likely to walk out the door than I was to work through it. I'm not sure when that mindset changed for good, but I know it's a recent change.
Have I mentioned that I overreact? Frequently and for no good reason. "What if they don't like me?" "What if I'm not good enough?" All I can say is it must be annoying to be my friend at times because I know I get annoyed with myself.
People seem to like me, I'm an intelligent woman. It's time to stop doubting and start trusting.
Ah trust. I don't like that word. If you trust you open yourself up for hurt and I really have tried to avoid hurt and pain at all costs. That hasn't worked in case you wondered. If it had worked I probably wouldn't have used extra weight as a shield.
In the last 8 months I have learned I am stronger than I thought. I've learned that if you hang in there through the discomfort you will make progress. I've learned that making a commitment to yourself is never a wasted effort.
It's not easy, there are still mornings I look at the clock and think how much I don't want to get up, get in the car and go anywhere. Most mornings I get up and do it anyway. Not every morning I'm not perfect, but most mornings I get up and do what I need to do. I always feel better after.
I have strength I didn't realize I had inside. When I think I can't do one more rep I pause, take a deep breath and do it anyway. I owe it to the girl who thought she was worthless. She wasn't and she's coming out of her shell. Be ready world...
I'd like to leave you with a quote I really like.
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Thanks for reading.
Why am I doing this? This question has been running through my mind a lot this week. I could just give some glib, easy answer, but really I'm curious. I'm uncomfortable with the attention I get, I don't have any desire or intention to "catch a man" and there are mornings I am so stiff/sore I can barely walk when I get up.
So am I just a masochist or is there a deeper reason I workout at least 3 days per week (sometimes 2 workouts in one day)? I'd like to think there's a deeper reason, if you'll indulge me I'll try to elaborate.
I used to be a person who gave up when the going got tough. If something was hard I was much more likely to walk out the door than I was to work through it. I'm not sure when that mindset changed for good, but I know it's a recent change.
Have I mentioned that I overreact? Frequently and for no good reason. "What if they don't like me?" "What if I'm not good enough?" All I can say is it must be annoying to be my friend at times because I know I get annoyed with myself.
People seem to like me, I'm an intelligent woman. It's time to stop doubting and start trusting.
Ah trust. I don't like that word. If you trust you open yourself up for hurt and I really have tried to avoid hurt and pain at all costs. That hasn't worked in case you wondered. If it had worked I probably wouldn't have used extra weight as a shield.
In the last 8 months I have learned I am stronger than I thought. I've learned that if you hang in there through the discomfort you will make progress. I've learned that making a commitment to yourself is never a wasted effort.
It's not easy, there are still mornings I look at the clock and think how much I don't want to get up, get in the car and go anywhere. Most mornings I get up and do it anyway. Not every morning I'm not perfect, but most mornings I get up and do what I need to do. I always feel better after.
I have strength I didn't realize I had inside. When I think I can't do one more rep I pause, take a deep breath and do it anyway. I owe it to the girl who thought she was worthless. She wasn't and she's coming out of her shell. Be ready world...
I'd like to leave you with a quote I really like.
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Thanks for reading.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Welcome Back?
The 2012-2013 school year is officially underway for teachers. Our first day of inservice was Wednesday. I began my morning at 5:30 am with a bootcamp class. The workout was Betty Lou (formerly 2 for 20). You have 2 minutes to get through a list of 5 exercises and if you finish early you can rest until the next 2 minute interval starts. Would you care to hazard a guess about how many times in 10 rounds I finished and had time to rest. Exactly 2 times. The first time I got 5 seconds, the second about 3 seconds.
I am NOT complaining in case you wondered. If I had tried that workout 8 months ago I wouldn't have made it and no way would I have been doing squat presses or renegade rows with 25 pound weights. It's probably time to move up to 30 pounds, but I tend to hang on to the weight I've been using until an instructor tells me to up it. I can and do push myself more often, but there's still that fear in the back of my mind that I won't be able to do it.
Then it was rush home shower and dress for inservice. Choosing clothes is so easy with about 5 wardrobe choices. Don't worry, I do have plans to add to my wardrobe, but it will be slow. I'm not going to go spend a lot of money on clothes that I don't plan to wear for long. I don't always know how to dress this new body and as often happens when I'm unsure I hesitate or do nothing.
I did manage to get dressed and I was only a couple of minutes late for the 7:30 am start time. I could have been on time or a little early, but I procrastinate and don't prep my lunch ahead of time. I'll learn...someday I will learn.
It was a little uncomfortable for someone who used to fly under the radar. I got so many compliments about how wonderful I am looking. I am pretty sure I said thank you to every person who complimented me, but if you are reading this and I didn't thank you: I apologize! I appreciate everyone who takes the time to tell me I am looking good. I feel so much better, it's amazing.
I did get one "compliment" that sort of threw me. Actually it wasn't given directly to me. It was given to a friend and she told me about it. Someone asked if I had Lap-Band surgery over the summer.
I want to start off by making it clear that I have NOTHING against surgery. Nothing at all. I know people who have had Lap-Band surgery as well as others who have had gastric bypass surgery. I think the decision to have surgery or not is personal and everyone needs to decide what is right for them. I chose to really commit myself to eating correctly (most of the time) and exercising as much as I can. I am not saying my way is the best and only way: I'm saying it's working for me and I couldn't be happier. I'm not getting up on a soapbox and preaching my way over any other way. I'm indulging my lifelong desire to be a writer and maybe (hopefully) letting other people know it is possible to transform your life.
Yes, when I first heard about that question I was hurt. Really hurt in fact. I'm not hurt anymore. I am flattered that someone thought I looked that good.
I also had Warrior Class last night. I love that class. I get to lift and move and push myself beyond what I think I can do. I did double kettlebell squats with the red kettlebells. Yes, Tyler had to help me lift them, but I did the squats. Then we did Sumo deadlifts and sled pulls. By the time class ended I was finished, but it felt good.
I noticed again that things that used to be really hard (sometimes they felt impossible) like Bear Crawls, Plate Pushes and Sled Pulls aren't as difficult. They're not easy, but I can do it. When I dig deep now there is strength to pull out. Not always very much strength, but something to pull out.
I almost hit the wall tonight with Pile On. It was a tough workout and I went in sore from yesterday. Then I compounded the problem by bear crawling right into a 25 pound dumbbell. It hurt at the time and I've broken my toes enough to know how it feels, but I am above all stubborn. It wasn't intense pain and I wanted the workout. My left knee was achy too, probably from so much sitting today so I had to make some modifications to baby it a little, but I was not stopping.
By the end of the workout I had my nose pressed against the wall and the tears were threatening to spill over. I was worn out and sore, but I held it together. I was proud for finishing and then I got top performer. I did not expect that at all. I never expect it, I don't really see my performance as standing out. I focus inward and try to keep the nagging, doubting voice at bay. That, I am happy to report, is getting easier. I can silence that nasty little voice now. Not always, but more often than not.
So what did I learn from my past 2 days?
1. Make sure the weights are out of the way!
2. A compliment is a compliment, even if it doesn't sound like it at first.
3. I have been working in the same school for 3 years now and I STILL get nervous before the first day.
4. This isn't the life I planned, but it is an amazing gift I won't squander.
Thanks for reading...I appreciate it.
I am NOT complaining in case you wondered. If I had tried that workout 8 months ago I wouldn't have made it and no way would I have been doing squat presses or renegade rows with 25 pound weights. It's probably time to move up to 30 pounds, but I tend to hang on to the weight I've been using until an instructor tells me to up it. I can and do push myself more often, but there's still that fear in the back of my mind that I won't be able to do it.
Then it was rush home shower and dress for inservice. Choosing clothes is so easy with about 5 wardrobe choices. Don't worry, I do have plans to add to my wardrobe, but it will be slow. I'm not going to go spend a lot of money on clothes that I don't plan to wear for long. I don't always know how to dress this new body and as often happens when I'm unsure I hesitate or do nothing.
I did manage to get dressed and I was only a couple of minutes late for the 7:30 am start time. I could have been on time or a little early, but I procrastinate and don't prep my lunch ahead of time. I'll learn...someday I will learn.
It was a little uncomfortable for someone who used to fly under the radar. I got so many compliments about how wonderful I am looking. I am pretty sure I said thank you to every person who complimented me, but if you are reading this and I didn't thank you: I apologize! I appreciate everyone who takes the time to tell me I am looking good. I feel so much better, it's amazing.
I did get one "compliment" that sort of threw me. Actually it wasn't given directly to me. It was given to a friend and she told me about it. Someone asked if I had Lap-Band surgery over the summer.
I want to start off by making it clear that I have NOTHING against surgery. Nothing at all. I know people who have had Lap-Band surgery as well as others who have had gastric bypass surgery. I think the decision to have surgery or not is personal and everyone needs to decide what is right for them. I chose to really commit myself to eating correctly (most of the time) and exercising as much as I can. I am not saying my way is the best and only way: I'm saying it's working for me and I couldn't be happier. I'm not getting up on a soapbox and preaching my way over any other way. I'm indulging my lifelong desire to be a writer and maybe (hopefully) letting other people know it is possible to transform your life.
Yes, when I first heard about that question I was hurt. Really hurt in fact. I'm not hurt anymore. I am flattered that someone thought I looked that good.
I also had Warrior Class last night. I love that class. I get to lift and move and push myself beyond what I think I can do. I did double kettlebell squats with the red kettlebells. Yes, Tyler had to help me lift them, but I did the squats. Then we did Sumo deadlifts and sled pulls. By the time class ended I was finished, but it felt good.
I noticed again that things that used to be really hard (sometimes they felt impossible) like Bear Crawls, Plate Pushes and Sled Pulls aren't as difficult. They're not easy, but I can do it. When I dig deep now there is strength to pull out. Not always very much strength, but something to pull out.
I almost hit the wall tonight with Pile On. It was a tough workout and I went in sore from yesterday. Then I compounded the problem by bear crawling right into a 25 pound dumbbell. It hurt at the time and I've broken my toes enough to know how it feels, but I am above all stubborn. It wasn't intense pain and I wanted the workout. My left knee was achy too, probably from so much sitting today so I had to make some modifications to baby it a little, but I was not stopping.
By the end of the workout I had my nose pressed against the wall and the tears were threatening to spill over. I was worn out and sore, but I held it together. I was proud for finishing and then I got top performer. I did not expect that at all. I never expect it, I don't really see my performance as standing out. I focus inward and try to keep the nagging, doubting voice at bay. That, I am happy to report, is getting easier. I can silence that nasty little voice now. Not always, but more often than not.
So what did I learn from my past 2 days?
1. Make sure the weights are out of the way!
2. A compliment is a compliment, even if it doesn't sound like it at first.
3. I have been working in the same school for 3 years now and I STILL get nervous before the first day.
4. This isn't the life I planned, but it is an amazing gift I won't squander.
Thanks for reading...I appreciate it.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Lessons
I've been uncharacteristically silent for awhile now haven't I? Well, it is summer and I'm sure many of you who faithfully read whatever I post are probably busy doing other things enjoying these warm sunny days. I'm busy too. I don't seem to sit still for long before I'm up and running to the next thing.
I am having a wonderful time. I adore all my friends and I have had so much fun. I would not trade one minute of the summer for anything. School will be starting soon (August 22 for inservice, then the first student day on August 28) I'm also coming closer to the end of my 6 free months of bootcamp. I even have a plan for how to continue when I begin to pay for bootcamp which was a weight off my shoulders and a load off my mind. The progress might not always be as quick as I want it to be, but this is my lifestyle now and I have time to get to where I am meant to be. Not a clue where that might be, I have some ideas, but I'm content at this point to sit back for a little bit and let things unfold. I will continue to work out and eat supportively, but I might not be posting any new goals for awhile. Mostly because I am still working on the goals I set after the Mooser competition was over.
About two weeks ago I attended my first nutritional accountability meeting with Ben. Tyler, Jule and I were the only people able to attend that night, but I still didn't want to speak up. Especially not when Ben asked if there was anything we were struggling with. Who wants to look like they aren't perfect in front of the instructor? I don't think Ben for one second believes I'm perfect, nor do I think he expects me to be. I expect me to be perfect though. Yes, I am my own toughest critic...I'm working on that. Give me another 40 years I should have it figured out.
Finally I voiced my struggle: cheat meals. I don't want to eat them because what if I lose control and can't get back to eating supportively. No one laughed at me, there was no eye rolling, the problem was carefully and seriously considered and discussed. Now I have a new flavor of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream to try: Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. Don't worry Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: you will still be my favorite, but sometimes we must branch out for the sake of variety.
I learned cheat meals are necessary and they are OKAY. Ben suggested I have a cheat meal on a day I've worked out, to make it seem less scary. More baby steps on the way to my goal.
Baby steps are hard when you're impatient to get to the end, but I'm finding more and more that baby steps are my best course of action in most areas of my life. It's better and easier to admit from the start that I just don't know something or I don't understand it than to nod, smile and be clueless.
Let's see what other lessons I've learned thus far in my journey:
*There was a reason for the extra weight I carried around. I've addressed that in another blog post, so I won't go into it again in detail here. That extra weight provided some measure of comfort and "safety". Now a lot of it is gone and while I don't ever want to go back to where I started where I am now isn't always comfortable.
*I've learned to accept compliments politely and I'll tell you my most recent measurements, but I'm still learning to be comfortable in this new ever-changing body.
*I'm learning to let go of clothes I loved, because they don't fit me any longer.
*I'm learning that I'm not being an egomaniac if someone asks me what I've done to lose weight and shape up and I tell them.
*I've learned it's okay to tell people I've worked HARD to get where I am and that I don't have any special skills or talents that have let me get where I am. I am talented and special, but that didn't get me to the 300 club on the deadlift board: hard work did.
*I think I'll be learning forever that I can only do what I can do on any given day. Case in point, the Kingdom Run on 8/12/12 in Irasburg, VT. I entered the 5k with visions of running the whole thing. Did I look at the course first to see what it looked like? Nope. I should have. Running hills is my new challenge. I am proud of my time (5K in 57 minutes) and next year I will do better.
*I'm learning and starting to understand that my friends are my friends because of WHO I AM, not WHAT I LOOK LIKE. I don't have to be perfect or beautiful. I only have to be me.
Now that I've given you that to ponder I need to go find my ice bags and more water so I can be ready for tomorrow morning.
Thanks for reading.
I am having a wonderful time. I adore all my friends and I have had so much fun. I would not trade one minute of the summer for anything. School will be starting soon (August 22 for inservice, then the first student day on August 28) I'm also coming closer to the end of my 6 free months of bootcamp. I even have a plan for how to continue when I begin to pay for bootcamp which was a weight off my shoulders and a load off my mind. The progress might not always be as quick as I want it to be, but this is my lifestyle now and I have time to get to where I am meant to be. Not a clue where that might be, I have some ideas, but I'm content at this point to sit back for a little bit and let things unfold. I will continue to work out and eat supportively, but I might not be posting any new goals for awhile. Mostly because I am still working on the goals I set after the Mooser competition was over.
About two weeks ago I attended my first nutritional accountability meeting with Ben. Tyler, Jule and I were the only people able to attend that night, but I still didn't want to speak up. Especially not when Ben asked if there was anything we were struggling with. Who wants to look like they aren't perfect in front of the instructor? I don't think Ben for one second believes I'm perfect, nor do I think he expects me to be. I expect me to be perfect though. Yes, I am my own toughest critic...I'm working on that. Give me another 40 years I should have it figured out.
Finally I voiced my struggle: cheat meals. I don't want to eat them because what if I lose control and can't get back to eating supportively. No one laughed at me, there was no eye rolling, the problem was carefully and seriously considered and discussed. Now I have a new flavor of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream to try: Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. Don't worry Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: you will still be my favorite, but sometimes we must branch out for the sake of variety.
I learned cheat meals are necessary and they are OKAY. Ben suggested I have a cheat meal on a day I've worked out, to make it seem less scary. More baby steps on the way to my goal.
Baby steps are hard when you're impatient to get to the end, but I'm finding more and more that baby steps are my best course of action in most areas of my life. It's better and easier to admit from the start that I just don't know something or I don't understand it than to nod, smile and be clueless.
Let's see what other lessons I've learned thus far in my journey:
*There was a reason for the extra weight I carried around. I've addressed that in another blog post, so I won't go into it again in detail here. That extra weight provided some measure of comfort and "safety". Now a lot of it is gone and while I don't ever want to go back to where I started where I am now isn't always comfortable.
*I've learned to accept compliments politely and I'll tell you my most recent measurements, but I'm still learning to be comfortable in this new ever-changing body.
*I'm learning to let go of clothes I loved, because they don't fit me any longer.
*I'm learning that I'm not being an egomaniac if someone asks me what I've done to lose weight and shape up and I tell them.
*I've learned it's okay to tell people I've worked HARD to get where I am and that I don't have any special skills or talents that have let me get where I am. I am talented and special, but that didn't get me to the 300 club on the deadlift board: hard work did.
*I think I'll be learning forever that I can only do what I can do on any given day. Case in point, the Kingdom Run on 8/12/12 in Irasburg, VT. I entered the 5k with visions of running the whole thing. Did I look at the course first to see what it looked like? Nope. I should have. Running hills is my new challenge. I am proud of my time (5K in 57 minutes) and next year I will do better.
*I'm learning and starting to understand that my friends are my friends because of WHO I AM, not WHAT I LOOK LIKE. I don't have to be perfect or beautiful. I only have to be me.
Now that I've given you that to ponder I need to go find my ice bags and more water so I can be ready for tomorrow morning.
Thanks for reading.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Ah, measurements...
Today was the day. The one I've been semi-dreading, sort of looking forward to for awhile now. I haven't had my measurements taken since the end of the session in May. Don't worry, I've shared measurements with you every time so I will share them this time. I'd like to ramble for a bit first, if you'll indulge me. If you just want to get to the numbers skip to the end, scroll up a bit and you'll find them. Don't worry, I'll never know and I won't be offended.
The numbers are important to me, they are definitely one way to let me know how I'm doing. I have found other ways to measure progress as well. I can see progress in how my clothes fit, how much energy I have and in the past week I've seen progress because it hasn't taken me as long to bounce back to almost my former pace and weights after a wonderful, crazy and busy July. I also notice exercises like Valslide Army Crawls, Bear Crawls and Plate Pushes that used to frustrate me because I just could not do them are getting just the tiniest bit easier.
For you faithful readers, you know I set some goals for myself for the end of July. It's time to check in on them and see how I've done. Yes, measurements are coming, I promise they are, I'm just dragging out the suspense.
Clothing:
End of July 2012: Size 14 jeans & being able to wear my black t-shirt (I can wear the t-shirt. The size 14 jeans go on, but don't button and zip yet. Close though!)
Measurements: August 6, 2012
Waist: Lost 4.5 inches
Thighs: Lost 1.75 inch
Arms: Lost 0 inches
The numbers are important to me, they are definitely one way to let me know how I'm doing. I have found other ways to measure progress as well. I can see progress in how my clothes fit, how much energy I have and in the past week I've seen progress because it hasn't taken me as long to bounce back to almost my former pace and weights after a wonderful, crazy and busy July. I also notice exercises like Valslide Army Crawls, Bear Crawls and Plate Pushes that used to frustrate me because I just could not do them are getting just the tiniest bit easier.
For you faithful readers, you know I set some goals for myself for the end of July. It's time to check in on them and see how I've done. Yes, measurements are coming, I promise they are, I'm just dragging out the suspense.
Clothing:
End of July 2012: Size 14 jeans & being able to wear my black t-shirt (I can wear the t-shirt. The size 14 jeans go on, but don't button and zip yet. Close though!)
Exercise/Fitness Goals:
End of June 2012:
*15 push ups on my toes: GOT IT!, I am up to 20 push ups most days.
*17 burpees in 1 minute: ALMOST THERE (I can get 15)
*40 seconds of Val slider army crawls without dropping: NOT YET, but I can do 20 seconds now without too much trouble.
*Move up within the 300 club on the dead lift board. GOT IT! I'm able to dead lift 305 pounds
*1 unassisted pull-up: ALMOST THERE.
*Complete a 3.1 mile/5K race jogging at least 2.5 miles: I am regularly running about 2 miles now, we'll see how I do in my 5K on Saturday.
End of June 2012:
*15 push ups on my toes: GOT IT!, I am up to 20 push ups most days.
*17 burpees in 1 minute: ALMOST THERE (I can get 15)
*40 seconds of Val slider army crawls without dropping: NOT YET, but I can do 20 seconds now without too much trouble.
*Move up within the 300 club on the dead lift board. GOT IT! I'm able to dead lift 305 pounds
*1 unassisted pull-up: ALMOST THERE.
*Complete a 3.1 mile/5K race jogging at least 2.5 miles: I am regularly running about 2 miles now, we'll see how I do in my 5K on Saturday.
I'm pleased with my progress and I am not done yet. I'm going to get those size 14 jeans on and be able to wear them comfortably before school starts on August 29. Maybe by then I'll even be comfortable wearing my black t-shirt: I earned it and I want to show it off.
Looking ahead to the future I have a half marathon in January and another in February. I remember when 3 miles seemed like an impossible goal so when I start feeling panicky about 13.1 miles I just remind myself I never thought I could run 3 miles or exercise regularly and I do both of those things now.
Looking ahead to the future I have a half marathon in January and another in February. I remember when 3 miles seemed like an impossible goal so when I start feeling panicky about 13.1 miles I just remind myself I never thought I could run 3 miles or exercise regularly and I do both of those things now.
Now, on to the numbers. Thanks for bearing with me.
Measurements: August 6, 2012
Body Fat Percentage: 31.5% (up 1% since May 2012)
Hips: 48.75 inches (down 2 inches since May 2012)
Waist: 39.5 inches (stayed the same)
Thigh: 26.25 inches (down 0.75 inches)
Arm: 14.5 inches (up 0.25 inches since May 2012)
Progress since January 2012
Hips: Lost 6 inchesWaist: Lost 4.5 inches
Thighs: Lost 1.75 inch
Arms: Lost 0 inches
Sunday, July 29, 2012
I don't think so...
"My company's business model in 5 words: Create the illusion you care. . . You'd be shocked at how well it works."
I saw this on Facebook Saturday morning and I couldn't believe it. How crass, how rude...basically how condescending can someone get?? The person who posted it attempted to explain and backpedal on what they posted after some comments, but COME ON! Apparently this person doesn't know to ask "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" before they post. Seriously, even if that comment was not meant the way it sounded and the person who posted it is a wonderful person with only the best of intentions that comment is out there now and it can't be taken back.
The part that made probably shocked me the most was that this was posted on a fitness page. Yes, maybe more fitness professionals than I want to know about feel this way. I'm choosing to keep my head in the sand if that's the case. I BELIEVE that the fitness professional I have been lucky enough to work with for the past 7 months does NOT feel this way and would never post anything like this. I don't think Ben would bother to answer my every email and be so patient with me if he didn't really care about his clients. I trust that Ben, Tyler, Mary & Stacey care and want what's best for me and everyone else in class.
Rant over, but please remember once you say or write something it is out there and you can't take it back. You can explain it, but wouldn't it be easier if you just didn't say anything that might be misconstrued in the first place?? Nope, I'm not saying I'm perfect: I say and write things I'd like to take back all the time, but I'm learning. I try to filter most things through the idea of being kind, true and necessary and when I fail I own up to it.
So how have the past 2 weeks been? Mentally I am exhausted and completely spent. All I want to do is sleep and try to recuperate. Math has never been my strong suit, but I went into the Vermont Mathematics Initiative program anyway. I regret that choice deeply sometimes, but I know at the end of the day I am doing my part to improve math instruction for my students.
As far as exercise and nutrition go I have done my best to be careful. The exercise was easier than the nutrition as it has been right along for me. I enjoyed running and my Ben's Boot Camp DVDs. Nutrition wasn't as big a struggle as it could have been. My friends were there to keep me focused on eating well and encouraging me to keep exercising. One even told me I was developing a "cute little backside" (not the exact words used, but you get the meaning).
Now math is over for the summer and I have 3 weeks until school starts. I am going to spend the time working out, eating well and training for my half-marathon in January. I will also be trying to post regularly here. I'll have new measurements to post soon.
Thanks for reading
I saw this on Facebook Saturday morning and I couldn't believe it. How crass, how rude...basically how condescending can someone get?? The person who posted it attempted to explain and backpedal on what they posted after some comments, but COME ON! Apparently this person doesn't know to ask "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" before they post. Seriously, even if that comment was not meant the way it sounded and the person who posted it is a wonderful person with only the best of intentions that comment is out there now and it can't be taken back.
The part that made probably shocked me the most was that this was posted on a fitness page. Yes, maybe more fitness professionals than I want to know about feel this way. I'm choosing to keep my head in the sand if that's the case. I BELIEVE that the fitness professional I have been lucky enough to work with for the past 7 months does NOT feel this way and would never post anything like this. I don't think Ben would bother to answer my every email and be so patient with me if he didn't really care about his clients. I trust that Ben, Tyler, Mary & Stacey care and want what's best for me and everyone else in class.
Rant over, but please remember once you say or write something it is out there and you can't take it back. You can explain it, but wouldn't it be easier if you just didn't say anything that might be misconstrued in the first place?? Nope, I'm not saying I'm perfect: I say and write things I'd like to take back all the time, but I'm learning. I try to filter most things through the idea of being kind, true and necessary and when I fail I own up to it.
So how have the past 2 weeks been? Mentally I am exhausted and completely spent. All I want to do is sleep and try to recuperate. Math has never been my strong suit, but I went into the Vermont Mathematics Initiative program anyway. I regret that choice deeply sometimes, but I know at the end of the day I am doing my part to improve math instruction for my students.
As far as exercise and nutrition go I have done my best to be careful. The exercise was easier than the nutrition as it has been right along for me. I enjoyed running and my Ben's Boot Camp DVDs. Nutrition wasn't as big a struggle as it could have been. My friends were there to keep me focused on eating well and encouraging me to keep exercising. One even told me I was developing a "cute little backside" (not the exact words used, but you get the meaning).
Now math is over for the summer and I have 3 weeks until school starts. I am going to spend the time working out, eating well and training for my half-marathon in January. I will also be trying to post regularly here. I'll have new measurements to post soon.
Thanks for reading
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