What is it this time you might, or might not, be wondering. Well this time I have been thinking about the many questions I have heard since I decided it was time to take control of the life I had and stop wishing it was different.
Some of the questions I have answered and some I have smiled and walked away from because I didn't want to answer them or I decided the language I might use to answer them was not appropriate for my location at the time. Most questions seemed genuine and like the person asking truly wanted an answer. A few made me wish Coach T and his size 10 wrestling boots were right there so he could answer in my stead.
Let's see if I can answer some of these questions here. I'll start with more recent questions and work my way to the one I have heard the most.
Why do you like to lift heavy?
Let me correct you here: I don't just like lifting heavy: I LOVE it. It makes me feel strong and competent. More than that it lets me know I can take care of myself. I enjoy knowing when something heavy needs to be moved I can do it. It feels good to know I have skills.
More than that lifting is simple: the loaded barbell is there to be pushed, pulled or squatted. There are no political games, no double speak, no second guessing. I have only one job: move that bar.
Do you ever get tired of the training?
Let's be honest: yes, yes I do. Some days the last thing I want to do is get dressed and go to Pride. I love it there, I truly do, but there are still days it seems like too much effort to go. I make myself change, because I know when I step through the door I can forget everything but the cues and directions from my coach. There are times I am sure Coach D is asking for more than I could possibly do, but I find the grit to get it done. When he tells me I am going to start doing 10 single arm rows on each arm with the 60 pounds DBs and work up to the 100 pound DBs I confess I have my doubts, but he's the boss and I'll give it my best effort. Those last 10 reps at 100 pounds are rough and probably look like hell, but I get them done.
I might get tired of the training, but I am smart enough to know if I want to be my best it is necessary.
Are you ever afraid?
Of so many things it boggles the mind. I'm assuming though that the question which I have heard most often in the gym is whether or not I am afraid of the weight I am asked to move. The answer is simple: yes.
435 pounds, 315 pounds, 209.44 pounds: that is a lot of weight. This week on Tuesday during my personal training session I was bench pressing. On my first set at 185 pounds I did my normal countdown before Coach D helped me lift off only this time he waited and I was trying to unrack it myself. He didn't wait long, but told me he wanted me to struggle. Then we started again. 185 isn't even my 1 rep max and I could not even move it, much less unrack it on my own. It gave me a new appreciation for what I am attempting to do.
Do you know you are beautiful/strong/an inspiration?
I've answered this one before, in other posts. I appreciate people telling me I am beautiful, I believe them, but I don't see it. Thank you for continuing to say it, I will do my best to always be gracious. Forgive me if I don't see it.
I do know I am strong, but I also know I can be stronger. Maybe I'll never know when I've reached my peak, but I truly don't feel that I have stretched the beast to her limits yet. There is more inside and if I keep training, continue to follow the plan and stay the course I will be able to pull it out.
As for being an inspiration: sure if you say so, but honestly I am just me. I stumble, fall, doubt, whine and get completely discouraged. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed and facing myself in the mirror seems like way too much effort. My depression isn't as bad as it once was, but it is always there. If I am not vigilant about pushing my comfort zones and staying positive it will settle back around me. I wasted too many years under a shroud of depression: never again.
You've been doing this for five years, shouldn't you be thinner?
I don't think so. I'm not working to be thin: I'm working to be strong. Do I wish I was thinner/smaller/more feminine? Yes, I do.
I'd like to be petite and pretty. I'm not. I'm never going to be.
I am strong, I am solid, I am built to squat and deadlift...and I'm working on the bench press. I am built to be a powerlifter and I am a powerlifter. I am not, nor will I ever be society's ideal of beauty. I don't aspire to that. I have to be the person I was meant to be, whoever she might be.
Why do you do this?
I've answered this one the most frequently since the start of my journey. I don't mind it, even those times when I know it is being asked by someone who just thinks I am crazy. I do it because I can. I do it for the people who can't. I do it because the men I have met and trained with have restored my faith and never abused the trust I have placed in them. I do it so should I ever need to prove it I will leave no doubt that I am not weak. I do it because I have found a group of friends who encourage me to be my best and support me when I reach for the stars.
Simply put: I do it because I. Am. Worth. It.
Another reason. My father died in August and from what I could see he never did anything to make himself happy. Everything he did was because he felt he had to or it was his duty to do so. I want my life to be mine.
If you have other questions for me ask away. I may not be the most out going person, but I will certainly answer any question put to me.
|March 2011 March 2017|
Thanks for reading!