The Journey Continues: Confident

I have a friend who has come up with a twist for New Year's resolutions. Instead of setting goals for the new year Eileen chooses a word that will guide her throughout the year. I love this idea. Of course I have goals and plans for the upcoming year, but I really like the idea of a word to guide me. An overarching theme for the year to come seems somehow less daunting than a list of goals to accomplish.

I have given my word for 2020 a lot of thought. It's a departure for me, but I have decided my word for 2020 will be CONFIDENT. It was a tough choice, I had other words in mind that wouldn't require so much of a stretch and departure from my comfort zone, but the truth is I'm not going to grow if I just hang out in my comfort zone. Time to pull up my big girl pants, screw up my courage and believe in my potential.

Yeah, it feels egotistical as hell to say I believe in my potential. How do I even know I have potential? Who am I to think I have not peaked? I'm 49 years old...I'm not wonder woman or supergirl or any sort of super hero at all. I am a bundle of nerves, insecurities, anxiety, and fear. So where did I come up with this idea that there is any more to me than is already on display for the world to see?

I blame my new fascination with podcasts. Yeah, I'm late to the discovery of podcasts. With a commute to work that is longer than 8 minutes three days a week I have plenty of time to listen. My current favorite is Stacy "Bama" Burr's "The Champion Mindset". I first became aware of her as a powerlifter, because I am always looking for women powerlifters to watch and follow. She was beyond a doubt a phenomenal powerlifter, the best in the world in fact, but she is an even more phenomenal speaker. I find when I listen to her and think about her points I get fired up. I don't want to just settle for status quo I really want to push and see where I can go. Professionally and personally I have decided it is time to feel a little more confidence in myself.

I'd like to think making confident my overarching theme for 2020 will encourage me to take a few risks, not to always play it safe. It will require me to believe in myself. I'm not saying I want to make foolish decisions, I just don't always want to take the easy path, the path of least resistance. I want to challenge myself when it is appropriate and possible. I don't think for one minute I will always succeed, but I hope the word confident will keep me pushing for more and striving to be better.

I don't think for one second that confident will be an easy word to carry with me through the coming year. I know there will be times the doubts will crowd in, my desire to be perfect will trip me up, and the road ahead will just look too daunting to navigate. That's okay, I'm not alone on this journey. I have to make the decision to keep going, but there are people standing by to support and encourage me if I will let them.

Yes, I said if I will let them. I sometimes think I need to do this all alone, that if I lean on someone else for support or ask for help I am weak and worthless. I don't believe that's true at all. My circle is made up of so many impressive, inspiring people why shouldn't I lean on them from time to time when I need encouragement, support, or help. I bet I could even talk to them about what's going on in my head and they wouldn't run screaming. Baby steps though, I'll start with realizing no one can do it for me, but they can support me when I need support.

About a month ago I got a promotion at work. It came completely out of the blue and stunned me. I went from cleaning machines in one store to cleaning the machines in four stores. I still don't know how I got tapped for this position, but I'm not arguing. The first couple of weeks I wanted to tell the director of operations I was wrong, I didn't want to do this after all. I bit my tongue, kept my head down, and slogged on. It has meant changes in my personal life, especially my training, but weekends off are pretty damn nice.

The hardest part has been losing my Tuesday small group training with Coach Tyler and getting to work with Paula, Bekah, Jo, and Cheryl. They all inspire and impress me and I miss them so much. I miss spinning too. I feel like it is time for me to spread my wings a little though. I have had to spend more time at Open Gym and I am learning to push myself just as much as if Coach T is there watching me. I still have my aEvolv classes and I think it's time to add in some HitFire or Movstrong workouts. Being confident means being real with where your weaknesses are and working on them, right?

On Christmas day I discovered I set some records at my first USPA meet. Vermont State records for my age group (Women Masters 45-49) in Squat, Bench Press, Deadlift, and Total. A Vermont state record for Women's Open (90kg+) for deadlift. My deadlift also set a National record for the Women Master's 45-49 group. At first I kind of brushed it off because USPA is new in Vermont. Then I stopped myself and realized that I still worked HARD for those records no one just handed them to me. I am proud of those 5 state records and one national record...and I plan to set more the next time I step on the USPA platform.

I am moving into 2020 with a focus and goals and a new word to guide me. Time to be confident that I am enough to move forward and achieve what I am meant to achieve. Time to be confident in asking for what I need, including asking for help.

Thanks for reading!