Things change and I've definitely changed. In the last 18 months my physical appearance has changed. What might not be so apparent at first glance is how I've changed mentally. When I walked into the Derby studio the first time as a "mooser" I was skeptical. How could anyone possibly think they could change me? More importantly, why would anyone want to bother? I was 41 years old, overweight my entire life and convinced I didn't matter.
I'll be the first to admit I didn't start the program with the right attitude or mindset. I was scared to try and even more afraid to fail. As someone who has tried many "quick-fat-loss" and "miracle" diets I was really afraid to hope anything would work. I was also someone who frequently looked at the person in the mirror and thought "You again?! What a waste of space on this planet you are!" I wouldn't talk to my worst enemy that way, but I saw nothing wrong with talking to myself like that.
So when did things change? It wasn't right away, I did as I was told, but I didn't trust anyone. I don't imagine that's a surprise to my coach, but to his credit he didn't give up on me. He kept encouraging me and pushing me when I needed it. It had to be hard to work with me, I am shy and quiet and I tend toward one word answers a lot.
I kept going though and slowly I noticed I wasn't just showing up and going through the motions hoping not to make an ass of myself before the class ended. I made mistakes, some of which I handled with some grace and others that just made me burst into tears. Above all I still wanted to make someone proud and making myself proud just wasn't enough. Before my 6 free months ended I debated long and hard with myself about whether I wanted to continue.
For me the real turning point was in June 2012. I went away on vacation and I MISSED my classes and my friends. I had DVDs, I had workouts to do, but it wasn't the same doing them alone. I thought the shy girl in me would relish being alone so no one would see me make a mistake, but more of me missed my friends and my instructors. When I came home I knew what I wanted and I knew it was worth what I would need to pay.
Have I loved every second since I decided to make myself a priority and work to make me proud of myself? Um, hell no. There are days the alarm goes off or Abbey barks to remind me I need to get my lazy butt up and I want to pull the pillow over my head and go back to sleep. Yes, some days I do go back to sleep, but more often than not I get up and I go. Of course there are mornings I walk into the studio look at the board for the day's workout and seriously debate sneaking back out the door.
When people see the bruises on my legs from not really paying close attention to where that kettle bell actually is or bruises on my chest from flipping a tractor tire they wince and smile at me like I might somehow be a little off. I probably am, but I like those bruises; I like the sore, tired muscles and the occasional injury is just fine too. Yes, I could stop, but if I stopped I'd miss the results even more.
I've discovered a new person, or maybe she's been in there all along, hiding, waiting for her chance to shine and be noticed. She reminds me when I look in the mirror that I need to be kind because that reflection is someone important. Someone who has things to offer the world and the people around her that no one else can offer. She deserves respect.
Oh yes, now that I've rambled on I have new numbers for you too.
Weight: 241 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 28.2% (it finally went down !! -1.6%)
Hips: 48 in.
Waist: 38 in.
Thigh: 26.5 in.
Arm:14.25 in.
And I'll leave you with a couple of pictures. I posted them on my facebook page earlier this week, but here they are again.
 |
| January 2012 |
 |
| July 2, 2013 |
No comments:
Post a Comment