Hmmm.....

What do I have for you today?

Well, mostly a realization I've come to about it being okay to be who I am. I'm quiet and relatively shy. I open up to my friends and it takes me time to decide whether someone is my friend or not.

Lately, I have been trying to be someone I'm not. I've been trying to be more open and more vocal. There is nothing wrong with that and the person who suggested I try that is someone I respect more than I can adequately express. The fact is though, I'm not a vocal person. I'm much more comfortable flying under the radar. I do speak up when it is important and that won't change. What's going to change is me trying to be someone I am not. I know the suggestion came from wanting to help me realize a dream and I also hope this person will realize my decision is not me being stubborn or angry. My decision is me accepting the person I am.

I often feel as if I'm striving to be someone completely different from myself. It's not always a bad thing, the old me wouldn't have signed up for Tough Mudder or competed in so many 5Ks. The old me had a tendency to let people order her around when it was not at all what she wanted. The old me didn't know how to walk away from situations that weren't healthy or helpful. The old me didn't take care of herself, because to be brutally honest I hated myself.

I don't hate myself anymore. I can't say I always love everything about me, but I'm learning tolerance and acceptance.

Thanks for reading.