This banner showed up at my happy place, Pride Fitness Performance, several weeks ago. It is quite near my favorite rack for squatting, and bench press. I don't think that was intentional, but I have spent a lot of time looking at it and pondering it since it was put up. Yes, I am overthinking. Yes, I know it won't do any good. No, I don't have plans to stop.
Tonight I had the opportunity to read and ponder it for several minutes while I was rolling out the arches of my feet and my calves before beginning my main workout: Back & Balance. The back part made me happy: a stronger back means bigger lifts after all. The balance part made me feel mostly ambivalent. Then I read this banner. It was my choice. The whole workout was my choice: I could give it my all...or I could give up before I even started. I trust my coach, I know he's never going to ask me to do something I can't do so I decided it was time to give it my all and see what happened.
I would like to add that it's a good thing I didn't know what the balance work was before I made up my mind.
Bulgarian Split squats are hard enough with one foot on a bench and the other on the floor...putting one foot on a band adds even more instability. Then I turned to the side and did squats with one leg still in the band. I was skeptical while Coach T2 demonstrated it and not much more confident when he handed me a PVC pipe to hold onto for help with balance. My first round was painful...it took me 20 minutes to complete 4 Bulgarian split squats on each leg and 4 lateral squats on each leg. Round 2 was better and it only took 12 minutes. I'm not sure how long Round 3 took, but I know it was my best round.
So many things went through my mind during round 1. I was scared because I didn't want to fall. I was frustrated because it was hard and I didn't think it should be that hard for me. I was worried too...I knew I was taking forever. I did finish the first round of balance work and went on to the back work. Then a break before round 2.
Round 2 I got lots of cues from Coach T2. He reminded me to focus, to block out everything going on around me. That's always been my problem on the platform: I don't block things out well. Even with the audience all fuzzy because I won't wear my glasses or contacts I am still hyper aware of every person in the room. Tonight I learned just how well it works when I can focus solely on my body and my breathing. I wasn't perfect, but I was so much better. I was able to at least partially block out someone reracking their plates and clips, Coach B coming into the Asylum ad watching what I was doing for a bit. The only thing I let filter in was Coach T2's voice.
Round 3 was my best round by far. It didn't even feel like the same movements. I found my zone, I blocked out everything around me, I finally got my breathing figured out, and with a few wobbles I got it done.
You just spent a long time reading descriptions of a workout you may or may not care at all about. It might not sound important to you, but for me it was HUGE. There were so many take aways from this workout. Let's see if I can put a few into words.
1. When I think I can't, I can't: Earth shaking right? Disheartening certainly, but not a surprise.
2. Focusing on the task in front of me and nothing else is key: As I've mentioned before I've reached a point in my training where PRs don't happen as often. Now my work revolves around refining my technique...and as I discovered tonight, mental training. All the ability in the world won't do me much good if I can't get it together mentally.
3. When I believe in myself I can accomplish amazing things: My coach believed in me today. He planned a workout that would challenge me, but he didn't think it was beyond my ability. It's kind of hard to doubt yourself in the face of that kind of faith.
2019 is the year I am going to work on believing in myself and cutting myself slack when needed. No more comments to myself that I wouldn't make to my worst enemy. I will give my all, if I fail I will learn from it and come back to whatever it is and do better the next time. I will learn from the experts in my life, I will read, I will research. I will take responsibility for my success.
Most importantly I am going to stop comparing myself to others. I have my own strengths and gifts and I am not any less than anyone else. I am working on my body, but I am pretty sure I will never look in a mirror and confuse myself with a super model. I am a work in progress. In the meantime I am still worthwhile, I am still enough.
Well Coach T2, you said there might be a blog post in the work I did tonight. You were right.
Thanks for reading!
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