Lessons

I've been uncharacteristically silent for awhile now haven't I? Well, it is summer and I'm sure many of you who faithfully read whatever I post are probably busy doing other things enjoying these warm sunny days. I'm busy too. I don't seem to sit still for long before I'm up and running to the next thing.

I am having a wonderful time. I adore all my friends and I have had so much fun. I would not trade one minute of the summer for anything. School will be starting soon (August 22 for inservice, then the first student day on August 28) I'm also coming closer to the end of my 6 free months of bootcamp. I even have a plan for how to continue when I begin to pay for bootcamp which was a weight off my shoulders and a load off my mind. The progress might not always be as quick as I want it to be, but this is my lifestyle now and I have time to get to where I am meant to be. Not a clue where that might be, I have some ideas, but I'm content at this point to sit back for a little bit and let things unfold. I will continue to work out and eat supportively, but I might not be posting any new goals for awhile. Mostly because I am still working on the goals I set after the Mooser competition was over.

About two weeks ago I attended my first nutritional accountability meeting with Ben. Tyler, Jule and I were the only people able to attend that night, but I still didn't want to speak up. Especially not when Ben asked if there was anything we were struggling with. Who wants to look like they aren't perfect in front of the instructor?  I don't think Ben for one second believes I'm perfect, nor do I think he expects me to be. I expect me to be perfect though. Yes, I am my own toughest critic...I'm working on that. Give me another 40 years I should have it figured out.

Finally I voiced my struggle: cheat meals. I don't want to eat them because what if I lose control and can't get back to eating supportively. No one laughed at me, there was no eye rolling, the problem was carefully and seriously considered and discussed. Now I have a new flavor of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream to try: Oatmeal Cookie Chunk. Don't worry Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough: you will still be my favorite, but sometimes we must branch out for the sake of variety.

I learned cheat meals are necessary and they are OKAY. Ben suggested I have a cheat meal on a day I've worked out, to make it seem less scary. More baby steps on the way to my goal.

Baby steps are hard when you're impatient to get to the end, but I'm finding more and more that baby steps are my best course of action in most areas of my life. It's better and easier to admit from the start that I just don't know something or I don't understand it than to nod, smile and be clueless.

Let's see what other lessons I've learned thus far in my journey:

*There was a reason for the extra weight I carried around. I've addressed that in another blog post, so I won't go into it again in detail here. That extra weight provided some measure of comfort and "safety". Now a lot of it is gone and while I don't ever want to go back to where I started where I am now isn't always comfortable.

*I've learned to accept compliments politely and I'll tell you my most recent measurements, but I'm still learning to be comfortable in this new ever-changing body.

*I'm learning to let go of clothes I loved, because they don't fit me any longer.

*I'm learning that I'm not being an egomaniac if someone asks me what I've done to lose weight and shape up and I tell them.

*I've learned it's okay to tell people I've worked HARD to get where I am and that I don't have any special skills or talents that have let me get where I am. I am talented and special, but that didn't get me to the 300 club on the deadlift board: hard work did.

*I think I'll be learning forever that I can only do what I can do on any given day. Case in point, the Kingdom Run on 8/12/12 in Irasburg, VT. I entered the 5k with visions of running the whole thing. Did I look at the course first to see what it looked like? Nope. I should have. Running hills is my new challenge. I am proud of my time (5K in 57 minutes) and next year I will do better.

*I'm learning and starting to understand that my friends are my friends because of WHO I AM, not WHAT I LOOK LIKE. I don't have to be perfect or beautiful. I only have to be me.

Now that I've given you that to ponder I need to go find my ice bags and more water so I can be ready for tomorrow morning.

Thanks for reading.