Priorities

To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. ~Anatole France

So, let's start this off with a question. What are the priorities in your life? Family? Friends? Your job? Pets? Exercise? God?

I used to be able to answer with no hesitation my priorities were job, family and friends. My job definitely came first for me. My identity was completely tied up in being a special educator. I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone that putting everything I had into my job didn't make me happy. I took every bit of constructive criticism as proof I wasn't good enough. Putting my job first wasn't ever going to make me happy, but it sure meant I didn't need to spend any time on myself. That was a priority too, putting everyone and everything in my life above myself.

We all know when that changed, but do you know why it changed? I have never held back before, I'm not about to censor myself now. The part of my brain that would like to filter my words is practically screaming at me not to write any of this. Since I haven't heeded the filter before there's little to no chance I'm going to listen to it now.

My priorities had to change because I was miserable. Completely, utterly miserable and so depressed getting out of bed was a chore. I pasted on a smile, I volunteered for every extra task I could at work and I threw myself into the coursework for my master's degree hoping it would make me feel better. All I felt was tired and more and more down as time passed. I knew I was ignoring myself, but that was so much easier than admitting I was miserable and doing something about it. I had no reason to be so unhappy so I kept telling myself to get over it.

I had applied to be a biggest mooser contestant before January 2012, but it wasn't time yet. I had tried bootcamp and pretty much failed miserably. I wasn't ready to commit myself to the program and trust the instructors. I wanted results, but on my terms. I'd do almost anything as long as no one asked me to trust them.

So what changed? 

I changed. I discovered there is something outside my little life. I decided it was past time to see if living a different way could make me happy. If I could find a way beat the depression without resorting to taking drugs that made me feel flat and blah.

DISCLAIMER: I am not knocking antidepressants. I've taken them, for me they were not the answer. Please, please, please: don't make decisions or do things based on me. Talk to your doctor. This is my story, not me telling you how to live. 

 

Obviously I was chosen as a Biggest Mooser contestant and I finished the competition, though most of the time the ONLY thing keeping me in it was that I could please someone else. The occasional "atta girl" or high five from an instructor didn't hurt either, I love praise.

 

My priorities really hadn't changed in April when the contest ended. I'm sure they seemed to have changed to anyone who knew me. I continued going to bootcamp even though I wasn't the "Biggest Mooser". I am a perpetual people pleaser and I transferred my desire to excel as a special educator to my desire to make the bootcamp instructors proud of me. 

It wasn't until I went on a 2 week vacation after school ended that I discovered I actually LIKED to exercise and I felt better when I exercised. No instructor, no bootcamp friends, just me and a workout I put together. Planks, squats, high knees, push ups, burpees: nothing fancy, but I made myself go

until I was sweating every  time.

There wasn't a morning I finished and had an epiphany in the shower or anything. It was coming home and actually looking forward to going to bootcamp for ME. Not because Ben, Tyler, Mary or Stacey would be happy to see me (I think they were) but because I enjoyed the time to focus on my body and pushing myself. 

 

Now I am trying to cut down to 3 bootcamp classes per week plus personal training and Warrior Class. I also have a Wellness Center class I love, All-Star Workout.

I asked you a question at the beginning and I'd like to answer it myself with my new priorities: My faith, exercise, family, friends and my job.

I've discovered that not putting my job in first place has actually made me a better teacher. My ego isn't tied into being perfect so I can accept comments and suggestions without feeling that it means I'm awful at what I do. There are days I leave work grouchy out-of-sorts and wondering why I chose to teach, but those days I can usually count on a workout to adjust my attitude and remind me of my priorities.

Now...on with the weekend. Wishing everyone a wonderful time.

 

Thanks for reading!