Commitment & Perseverance

Tomorrow is Friday and my first four days of teaching in the 2012-2013 school year will be in the books. Tomorrow is also the end of a 3-week session at Ben's Bootcamp. Inferno month has been intense, but I made it. Well, let me amend that: tomorrow morning when I get in my car to drive home after my 5:30 am class I will have made it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be okay though. I might be bruised and sore, but I'll heal. I'll take a few minor inconveniences for this stronger, more fit body.

Why am I doing this? This question has been running through my mind a lot this week. I could just give some glib, easy answer, but really I'm curious. I'm uncomfortable with the attention I get, I don't have any desire or intention to "catch a man" and there are mornings I am so stiff/sore I can barely walk when I get up.

So am I just a masochist or is there a deeper reason I workout at least 3 days per week (sometimes 2 workouts in one day)? I'd like to think there's a deeper reason, if you'll indulge me I'll try to elaborate.

I used to be a person who gave up when the going got tough. If something was hard I was much more likely to walk out the door than I was to work through it. I'm not sure when that mindset changed for good, but I know it's a recent change.

Have I mentioned that I overreact? Frequently and for no good reason. "What if they don't like me?" "What if I'm not good enough?" All I can say is it must be annoying to be my friend at times because I know I get annoyed with myself.

People seem to like me, I'm an intelligent woman. It's time to stop doubting and start trusting.

Ah trust. I don't like that word. If you trust you open yourself up for hurt and I really have tried to avoid hurt and pain at all costs. That hasn't worked in case you wondered. If it had worked I probably wouldn't have used extra weight as a shield.

 In the last 8 months I have learned I am stronger than I thought. I've learned that if you hang in there through the discomfort you will make progress. I've learned that making a commitment to yourself is never a wasted effort.

It's not easy, there are still mornings I look at the clock and think how much I don't want to get up, get in the car and go anywhere. Most mornings I get up and do it anyway. Not every morning I'm not perfect, but most mornings I get up and do what I need to do. I always feel better after.

I have strength I didn't realize I had inside. When I think I can't do one more rep I pause, take a deep breath and do it anyway. I owe it to the girl who thought she was worthless. She wasn't and she's coming out of her shell. Be ready world...

I'd like to leave you with a quote I really like.

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." ~Mary Anne Radmacher

Thanks for reading.