The first lesson was a video post from Coach Collins on the topic of trying. I'd heard a bit of this before when he talked to me about the levels of commitment. This time there was a new message that when you are trying your mind has already given you permission to fail. Then Coach T2 posted a sign he'd written on a whiteboard: STOP "TRYING" GO DO IT GET BETTER OR GET OUT ALWAYS EVOLVE. The last piece of the puzzle for me was a book I am listening to on Audible. Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I am listening to a chapter dealing with not accepting no for an answer when it involves pursuing your dreams. The start of the chapter asks you to write down your dreams.
The combination of messages from two men I value and appreciate for their expertise and the message in a book I am enjoying has quieted the normal noise in my mind. All the thoughts, worries, anxieties that swirl through my head nonstop have quieted.
I went back to the comment "you are better than your last two performances". This time there was no anger, no hurt. I realized something. I gave myself permission to fail at Regionals and in Vermont. I "tried", but I rationalized that I was tired, spent, not loving lifting: it was okay if I didn't shine.
LIKE HELL IT WAS OKAY! It was most definitely NOT okay. I have not been trained that way. I am NOT that person. The truth though is: I was that person in Connecticut. I was in the "I will try" mindset and not the bad ass, warrior, queen of the pride, beast that I can be. The person I was in New Hampshire.
If any proof is needed that telling yourself "I will try" is deadly send me a message and I'll be happy to share the videos from Regionals with you. They weren't hopelessly horrible lifts, but they weren't my best. I KNOW not to rush my squats. I KNOW better than to think too long before I bench. I gave myself an out instead of holding myself to the high standard I have been trained to. In that sense I did fail. I one hundred percent failed myself and my coach.
The good thing is that I have the opportunity to change that. I will be working on physical and mental conditioning. Coach T2 is going to do his part, I need to give him a client worthy of the time. I had a chance to start in on my mental toughness yesterday.
This was my personal training workout yesterday:
50 minute Cap
1000m Row 50 Push Ups 50 Goblet Squats
800m Row 40 Push Ups 40 Goblet Squats
600m Row 30 Push Ups 30 Goblet Squats
400m Row 20 Push Ups 20 Goblet Squats
200m Row 10 Push Ups 10 Goblet Squats
I would like to note that I finished up to the 400m row at about the 50 minute mark (probably 50 min 10 seconds or so). I'll face this workout again in 4 to 5 weeks. The rows were hard, but not killers. The goblet squats weren't too bad (though that 50# DB felt way more heavy than it should have). The killer for me was the push ups. They were broken up...but there were still reps I could not lock out, I got a little way and could not lock out and I dropped. I didn't quit there, though I dearly wanted to. I reset, I started again and I got the failed rep. Were they all perfect push ups? Not even close. There was a point, I'm not sure exactly when, but there was a point during those push ups when I stopped trying. There was no room for trying, there was only room for getting it done. They were hard and getting harder and I was NOT going to let my coach down again. NO WAY. I fought for every rep.
When I wanted to quit I might have dropped the weight during the Goblet Squats and needed coaching to pick the DB back up, but I DID IT. I didn't get the entire workout finished in 50 minutes, but when I face this workout again I have a goal for myself. My coach expects me to finish the 400m row, 20 push ups and 20 goblet squats. I expect myself to finish the 200m row too.
I know I'm going to want to fall back on "trying". I'm not perfect, I'm never going to be perfect. More often than I would like to admit I am going to have to remind myself to DO IT and stop trying.
Thanks to Coach Collins and Coach T2 for their messages. Thank you also to Rachel Hollis for writing Girl Wash Your Face and reading it on Audible.
I have the message...now to apply it.
Thanks for reading!
200m Row 10 Push Ups 10 Goblet Squats
I would like to note that I finished up to the 400m row at about the 50 minute mark (probably 50 min 10 seconds or so). I'll face this workout again in 4 to 5 weeks. The rows were hard, but not killers. The goblet squats weren't too bad (though that 50# DB felt way more heavy than it should have). The killer for me was the push ups. They were broken up...but there were still reps I could not lock out, I got a little way and could not lock out and I dropped. I didn't quit there, though I dearly wanted to. I reset, I started again and I got the failed rep. Were they all perfect push ups? Not even close. There was a point, I'm not sure exactly when, but there was a point during those push ups when I stopped trying. There was no room for trying, there was only room for getting it done. They were hard and getting harder and I was NOT going to let my coach down again. NO WAY. I fought for every rep.
When I wanted to quit I might have dropped the weight during the Goblet Squats and needed coaching to pick the DB back up, but I DID IT. I didn't get the entire workout finished in 50 minutes, but when I face this workout again I have a goal for myself. My coach expects me to finish the 400m row, 20 push ups and 20 goblet squats. I expect myself to finish the 200m row too.
I know I'm going to want to fall back on "trying". I'm not perfect, I'm never going to be perfect. More often than I would like to admit I am going to have to remind myself to DO IT and stop trying.
Thanks to Coach Collins and Coach T2 for their messages. Thank you also to Rachel Hollis for writing Girl Wash Your Face and reading it on Audible.
I have the message...now to apply it.
Thanks for reading!
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