The Journey Continues: Regionals and Beyond

It's been two weeks since the 2018 USA Powerlifting Northeast Regional Championships. I had intended on producing a post about the experience right after the meet was over. After the meet was done I found I wasn't ready to write yet. I needed time to process. I wanted time to analyze what I did, how I did it and make notes on things I want/need to improve on and discuss them with my coach. The only thing I haven't done yet is discuss my notes with my coach.

Given that regionals was my third meet in about 3 months I am not upset with my performance. I brought home a silver so I didn't bomb out. As someone told me: I am better than my last two performances.

As you can probably imagine my reaction to that statement was less than positive. I blew it way out of proportion to the intended meaning. I was hurt and angry. I wanted to lash out and attack, but I held my tongue and my thoughts until I could be sure I wasn't going to be nasty. I now understand what was meant by that comment. It was a way to get me to think about what I'd done this year and realize that 3 meets in such a short span of time was not in my best interest and didn't allow me to show what I can really do. I think I was so hurt at first because the person who made it is someone who has always encouraged and pushed me to be better.

I am going into 2019 planning to do no more than two meets. Normally there is a qualifying total requirement for regionals, and if that is the case in 2019 I will compete in one meet to get that total and set my sights on regionals.

Now onto the weekend.

I was exhausted going into the meet. I told Coach T2 that honestly I was looking for it to be done, that I was tired. I wanted it to be over so I could try some new things, maybe get back to some classes I hadn't been able to attend for awhile. We had even developed a new schedule for me to accommodate the need for a job to support my gym habit (more on that later). There were times leading up to the meet that I just wanted to drop out. That wasn't me: I love lifting. As anxious as competing makes me I like stepping on that platform and showing the judges what I can do.

Friday morning Eric, Hailey, Carole and I loaded the car and were off to Connecticut and Mohegan Sun. I'd had a good final workout on Tuesday morning and a massage with Coach T2 Friday morning. I was ready...or as ready as I was going to be.

Saturday we went to the casino to check it out. What a place. I think I walked around with my jaw hanging open most of the day. We found the conference room where regionals was taking place and I watched some of the day 1 meet. It made me feel more grounded to watch others, something I don't take advantage of as often as I should.

Sunday dawned and we were at the casino early. Some might not think it necessary, but I like to be at the venue when weigh-in starts. I need that time to focus, center myself and prepare to do what I've been training to do. If it seems silly to some so be it. There are few things I am adamant and diva-like about, getting to the meet for the start of weigh-in is one of them and that's just not going to change.

Weigh in was fine, no surprises. Warm up was a different matter entirely. I had all my warm ups figured in pounds. Guess what: all the plates were kilos. There may have been a few moments of panic on my part (more than a few...warm up felt horrible from the beginning to end). I was lucky enough to have a coach offer to let me lift with his competitor and they had the kilos down so all I needed to do was tell them my weight and it was fine. It didn't feel fine, but that was my own anxiety kicking into high gear. I may not be able to control the anxiety, but I recognize when it's foolish. Progress, right?

My squats weren't bad. I didn't start as heavy as I could have. My body just wasn't feeling it and I thought it wise not to push too hard at the start. My final squat was a no lift because I didn't get to depth. I rushed it and got panicky because everything felt so heavy.

Bench Press was next and my first attempt was great. 181# went up easily and I felt good. My next two attempts were the same: I tried 192#. I think that weight might be a sticking point in my mind. I got it to my chest, I pressed it a little and then I felt stuck. Trust me I analyzed the hell out of that and have come to the conclusion: bench press scares me. I mean it: I am SCARED of bench press. I need to work on having different people lift off for me. I need to work on leg drive, bracing and most of all I need to work on mental strength. All the physical strength in the world isn't going to help me when the nasty voice in my head whispers "no way can you do this".

Deadlifts were last. I LOVE deadlifts. They have been my favorite lift since day two as a Mooser when Ben set me in front of a loaded barbell. I felt good going into my deadlifts and Coach T2 was there. I wanted to make him proud...hell I wanted to make everyone proud. I got no lifts on my deadlifts. Thanks to Hailey and her anger/disappointment that my lifts weren't good I now know what I need to work on.

I need to work on where I place the bar. I tend to pull it right up tight to my legs. Turns out with my big quads that's not going to work. The judge we spoke with had me practice with a barbell placed over my shoelaces. Gotta say, it was much easier not fighting to get that bar up my quads. Lockout was much, much better. Now to practice that in my off-season. I want perfect deadlifts in 2019.

Usually when I bring hardware to Pride I want a picture with my coach. This time I felt like I'd let everyone down, coach first and foremost, and I just gave him the medal to hang without asking for a picture. I could have asked him if I disappointed him, but I honestly didn't want to know. It was over and done, nothing was going to change the results all I could do was work on my weaknesses so I would be better next time. The people-pleaser in me wasn't happy with that solution, that part wanted to apologize for wasting his limited free time watching me be unsuccessful. I'm choosing instead to let it go, except for the mention in this forum.

The reality is that on that day I did the best I could do. There is no shame in that. I put one hundred percent of myself into my performance on the platform. Maybe not every lift was a success, but as long as I learn from my mistakes then I didn't fail. Would I have liked to bring home gold? Hell yeah. I brought home silver and contrary to Dale Earnhardt's opinion that does not make me the first loser.

I took a week off after the meet. Other than a Yoga Corr class I did nothing but walk my dog and sleep.

Back to the new gym schedule: turns out it was unnecessary. I was offered a new job at a place I'd worked before for a lot more money. Taking it means I will be able to be at all Muscle Hour classes again as well as both Yoga Corr classes, a Pride Cycle class, and I can get in one of the Pride Fit classes. Not that I want to overdo things, but I want to explore other parts of myself. I will never lose my love of lifting heavy and perfecting my technique in squats, bench, and deadlift, but I want to be a more well-rounded athlete. Not saying I am going to perfect my pistol squat or my clean, but they could be a little less grim than they are. Working on weaknesses and developing mental strength are my two focuses at present. I'm sure coach has his own goals for me and I am whole-heartedly going to go after those, but this is my training: I have to be invested and want it too.

A few pics from Regionals and then I'll leave you to get back to your day.