Anxiety, Overthinking, Peak Week

Catchy title, isn't it? Yeah, draws you right in...and if you've known me for longer than half a second makes you shake your head, sigh, and maybe even roll your eyes.

I am eleven days away from the USAPL Northeast Regional Championships and in the past two weeks I've had more moments where I've wanted to just drop out of this meet than I can count. I haven't done that. I am NOT going to do that.

I know myself and that nasty little critic inside my head well enough to realize what I feel is just a part of the process for me. Maybe a little something extra added to it because my coach, the guy I look up to as a father figure and one of my heroes, is going to be there watching. I am happy and excited about that, I really am. He's watched me practicing, but he hasn't seen me lift in person, in a competition in some time. He's seen the videos, I might have asked they be sent to him so he can review them to see what I need to work on. I think it is different to see it in person though. With the videos there is only the one view. In person you can move around to see different things and probably pick up things that might not be as evident in a video.

I am tired too. When I finish that third deadlift on August 19 I will have competed in three meet between April and August. That doesn't sound like much, even as I type it I don't think it sounds horrible, but it's draining. At my last meet, just for fun, I turned on my fitbit to track my calories and heart rate while I competed. When I finished I had burned 2480 calories in about 5 hours and at several points, I assume while I was lifting, my heart rate peaked at 178 bpm. I expended some energy. I'm not complaining, I am stating that I am tired. Make no mistake though: on August 19 I will give the best I have to give and I will get the damn job done.

I'd probably feel better about this meet if I wasn't in the middle of another change. I have a new job. I like it. I seem to be doing well (or at least okay). Neither the manager nor the assistant manager have met me at the door when I come in and suggested that I might not be suited to the job. I make mistakes...plenty of them, but I am learning and I am trying.

Part of the new job was a new schedule. One that has upended my carefully planned workout schedule and left it a mess. I know I will settle in, I KNOW I have the brain capacity to make it all work, and I know all I need to do is ask for help figuring this out and a coach will be willing to make suggestions. I did take that last step and Coach T2 and I are going to take a look at things after August 19 and develop a plan.

I have always considered myself somewhat of a loner, someone who prefers quiet and solitude. This is not true when I work out. I love the energy from a group when I workout, it helps keep me pushing myself. One of the things my new job has necessitated is open gym. Fortunately I have many notebooks full of workouts so I can go into the gym with some plan in place, but it feels cobbled together. I don't like that. I want a solid plan that will make me better and stronger.

I know I am over thinking all of this. I have been in the new job for one month and it probably wasn't an ideal time to switch when I had five weeks to prep for another meet, but life seldom waits for a "good" time to foist change upon us. I know I will develop a schedule that works and helps further my fitness and strength.

If only my coach could help me work on the mental stuff as well. I guess there isn't a magic wand he can smack me with to knock the inner critic right out of my head. I'm not even sure a size 10 wrestling boot to the posterior would work.

This means I need to pull up my big girl panties, stuff myself into that ultra-flattering singlet, lace up the chucks, find my business face, knee sleeves, wrist wraps, and get it done.

Hey I've made progress: I recognize that I am the one who has to do these things. My success or failure ultimately rests with ME. I will have support on that day, thankfully so. There will be some extra time to check out the venue, watch some other lifters, and maybe even share a shot with the coach (if he is amenable to that).

I've got this.

Thanks for reading!