Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Lessons

I will not be sorry on Monday, January 1 to know 2017 is over. I have no idea what 2018 will hold, but I am well and truly done with 2017.

2017 was year of big lessons. Some I brought on myself, some brought about by other people.

The biggest lesson I brought on myself. I learned that when I am overwhelmed, out of my depth and frankly outclassed I need to pay attention. Never again will I bury what I feel and hope if I try hard enough things will be okay. Trying hard is important, it can work, but not always and definitely not when every fiber of your being is screaming at you to get out of a situation. I've learned to listen to my "gut" no matter how foolish it might feel.

I've learned that not everything that looks good on the surface is good. I changed jobs this year and I can tell you that as crazy as my new job can make me I feel for the most part that I am valued and appreciated. Not every second of every shift, that wouldn't be real life. I'd like to say that I felt the same about my previous job, but I didn't. I'm not looking to lay blame or anything like that. My feelings are my own and they might not have been accurate, merely my perception coupled with my experiences. I just know that at the present I feel like I can make a positive difference.

Another lesson from 2017 is that my circle is small, but it is strong. Some people I thought were a part of my circle turned out not to be. They had their own path and journey to follow and I wasn't a part of that. As I've stated in other posts I am not angry about that.

I have a small group of people who support me one hundred percent. I am more blessed than I deserve. I can call on any one of those amazing people and they will be there for me. I support them too, maybe not as much as they deserve, but I support them.  There is room in the circle for other people, but I'm wiser and less trusting about who will get a place now. I can and will be friendly, polite and helpful, but the walls will stay up. Not that I've ever been what one would call a social butterfly, but I am even less so now.

2017 taught me that while powerlifting is my passion there is NOTHING about it that is easy. I've now sadly moved out of that phase where PRs happen all the time. I'm in that spot where if I'm lucky I might see a PR once in a training cycle. Oh, let's add to that that when you ask for the "next level" of competing you need to be ready for it. I barely made it through my first meet in 2017 with USAPL. I failed my first two squats, I struggled to get my head in the game and I failed every last deadlift. I walked out of that meet struggling to put it in some sort of perspective. I felt I had let everyone there to support me down and the absolute worst was feeling I'd let my coach down, that I had disappointed him.

I went on to another meet 7 weeks later and took home the gold. I still struggled with my deadlifts, but the squats were spot on perfect, at least in the eyes of the judges that day.

I had read in a forum that I am a part of that it is very common to make different levels of progress on the lifts at different times. 2017 seems to be the year where my squat is improving. My bench press is coming along and my deadlift now feels like my weakest lift. I am working on lock out, on bracing my core with and without a weight belt and I feel confident that all this work will improve my performance at my next competition. We'll see in April  2018 when I go back to NH and face down the same platform I was quite sure would be my undoing in 2017.

2017 has been a year of mountain tops and deep valleys. Times I feel as if I have it under control and times I am pretty sure I don't have what it takes to crawl forward one more step.

That's been the biggest lesson of 2017 I suppose: never underestimate your ability to survive.

Before I let you get back to your life I'd like to share one of my Christmas gifts with you. I might be struggling with my deadlifts at the moment, but I also need to keep in my mind that what I consider a pitiful pull might still be regarded as impressive.

Love, love, love this. 
Thanks for reading!

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