Lion

I have new favorite song. Not a song for setting personal records (PRs) when I lift. One to remind me that it will all be okay in the end. That despite how I feel I have what it takes to overcome whatever obstacles are in my path. "Lions" by Skillet. I'll let you choose whether or not you'd like to look for it and listen to it. I found it on YouTube when I was watching the video for my PR song "Monster". It's not as loud, there isn't a driving bass beat. It's the words that caught my attention. Especially the last few lines of the chorus: "If we're going to stand, we stand as giants. If we're going to walk we walk like lions".

I've listened to this song a lot in the last week or so. I don't exactly feel like a lion or a giant...

Again life threw change at me. One I was not ready for in the least. I never wanted this change. I am still ridiculous enough to hope maybe it was all a bad dream...that I'll wake up and it won't be true. Though as each day passes I have to admit it was real, it happened and nothing I do will change it.

I also realize that this change didn't just impact me. It impacted a great many people. I'm not special or unique in all this. I've shed many tears and I'm sure I'll shed more before I have processed it and decided how it fits into this journey. I will do that you know, I will figure this out and I will be stronger and better for it.  After all: this is MY journey. This is about ME. I can't control what happens, I can only control my reaction.

Yes, I'm being cryptic again. But I don't feel the need to make it all public. A lesson I learned well this year: not everything in the journey needs to be public. Sometimes what I'm talking about involves other people who deserve their privacy. Sometimes the lessons learned are for me to ponder and there is no need to make them public, it's just not my place. Other people will do what they will: that's none of my business. My job is to keep moving forward.

I'm not a giant: I'm not even sure I would know how to stand like a giant. I suppose it would mean chin up, eyes straight ahead, shoulders back. No anger and no fear. Just knowing that you have everything you need to be successful within yourself.

I'm no lion either. I can roar, snarl and look fierce when I set my mind to it. I am not a lion though. I see lions as confident animals. They don't wonder and obsess over whether they can do what they need to do and get their job done. I get the job done, most of the time, unless I can't get out of my head. That happens more often than I like. I can talk myself out of being able to do things I've done a million times before. I know it's silly, but it happens.

2017 has been a year of changes. This was just another one. Change is a part of life. Whether I accept it calmly or face it by bursting into tears change is going to come.

I'm not a giant.

I'm not a lion.

I'm just me: super self-critical, distrustful, sensitive (many times over sensitive), scared to fail, worried I'll let everyone down, trying to be an athlete, wishing to be a good powerlifter, and a big old bundle of crazy.

Now that I've dumped this batch of crazy I'll let you get back to your life.

Thanks for reading!