She was born in 1970, yeah you can do the math...she's not really a girl anymore. Pretty normal childhood, except she wasn't really a normal kid. She was a "big" girl. In his meaner moments her father told her she was fat and would always be fat. She took that to heart, deeply to heart.
You see, this little girl was quite sensitive. When her little sister would get in trouble for something she would feel awful. Not just bad, but to the point of tears awful. When her parents had fights she believed she had somehow caused it and she had to fix it by being perfect.
She went through school in the usual way. Her mother heard "she's a good student and very smart, but she won't speak up" many, many times. And one memorable time in Kindergarten "She's a loner. When the other students play in the house she chooses the block corner". It's not that she had no friends, she did, but she preferred small groups to large groups.
When she was in junior high school her parents decided they were not happy together, they couldn't be happy together and divorced. Not all that unusual at the time and some of her friends had divorced parents so fortunately she didn't stand out for that. She stood out because she was bigger than all her friends. She was the fat girl. The one the boys liked to tease. She wasn't sure who she was or how to fit in so she was never comfortable anywhere. She followed along behind whichever group didn't tell her to get lost.
High school was much the same and her first go at college was an unmitigated disaster. Remember she was a follower? Well, followers don't do so well when there is no one to follow. She chose some people to follow. It turned out badly and she came home.
She made some attempts to stop being the fat girl, but she had no idea how to do it and followed any restrictive plan she could find for a few weeks until she binged and gave up because she was a failure. She went back to college, put herself through Lyndon State and earned a Bachelor's degree in Elementary and Special Education.
With a degree she threw herself into her job and it became her life. Being a teacher was her identity. There was very little in her life, except her job. Family and friends took a backseat to her job every time.
Then in 2007 her stepfather got sick. He had melanoma and it progressed rapidly. For several weeks she drove back home every weekend to stay with him so her mother could work. Then in December, not long before Christmas he died. She and her sister talked, maybe mom should move closer to them to live. At first the idea seemed like it would work, then the Mom confessed she didn't want to leave her home. The girl, well woman, knew she was the one who would move. She had a career that would allow her to move easily, she had no family, save 4 cats and a dog. So she finished the school year, said her good byes and moved back home.
Being home was comfortable and the woman heard about this place, Ben's Bootcamp, that had a competition that would allow her to maybe, finally, get her weight under control. She applied and was not chosen. It just wasn't time.
She changed jobs, going back to the school she had done her student teaching and her first year as a special educator. Some of her friends there went to Ben's Bootcamp and she joined one of them one Saturday morning. It was HARD, she failed at almost everything she tried and she kind of loved it. She joined, went through an orientation and lasted about a month. It just wasn't the right time and she was not in the right place.
The fat was her safety net and she was not ready to let it go. If she had the fat it was a buffer from the world and no one really paid any attention to her. She could be invisible and invisible was what she chose.
She continued on, but there was a niggling little voice at the back of her mind saying it wasn't satisfied, that she wanted more, that she deserved more.
In 2012 the opportunity to apply to the Biggest Mooser competition came up again. She did it and this time she was chosen as a semi-finalist and then one of the four contestants. She was completely intimidated by Ben. He seemed so gruff, not true, but that was her first impression. She didn't win the contest, but by the time it ended she was hooked on her routine.
She continued on working out, slowly learning to trust instructors other than Ben. Then in 2014 a big change loomed. Ben accepted an offer to sell the Derby location. The man buying it had been working there for awhile. She knew him, she was beginning to trust him and the news hit her like a ton of bricks. She pretended to hold it together during the announcement. Her friends knew better. One of them, a friend she'd known since elementary school was the first to ask her if she was okay. Not so much. When she finally managed to leave refusing to face either Ben or Tyler two other close friends got her to talk in the parking lot for a bit.
The next day she went back to the gym for Yoga Corr. She heard Ben's speech again, gave him another hug and then Tyler wanted to talk to her. He made her a promise and asked something of her. He promised to be honest with her and asked only that she do the same. She was so touched by that because it was not something he had to do. It seemed that she genuinely mattered.
She decided to stay. Pride Fitness Performance came to be in July 2014. It became her happy place and her second home. Well, really it is her first home because when anything is hard, stressful or difficult it is the first place she wants to go. The place she knows will be a safe spot to work through whatever it is.
It is also the place where she found her passion. She discovered exactly what it was she was made to do. Now her job is no longer the sole part of her identity. She is a powerlifter. At first she was reluctant to own her strength. Deadlifting, squatting and bench pressing were things she did occasionally during buddy training when Tyler put it in her program. She loved deadlifting, she loved setting new personal records, but she thought no more of it.
That's not entirely true. She thought about those things a lot, because she noticed during Muscle Hour that she could deadlift what many of the men did and sometimes she was pretty sure she could lift more. Lifting more than men seemed like a bad idea. She was quite sure no man in the world was going to look twice at a woman who could lift more than him. That seemed important since she had lost weight and being invisible wasn't working anymore.
In 2015 she decided being strong was kind of fun and being better than the men was kind of a rush. She also met another coach. At first she wasn't sure at all about Dane. He was at a Muscle Hour class and one of her morning pride fit classes. It wasn't that he got too close to her: he kept his distance, it wasn't that he was mean: he kind of kept his distance and seemed aloof. He was new and she didn't want new: she wanted familiar. Tyler pushed her enough, she didn't want Dane.
She was wrong by the way. Dane nudged her toward her passion with Tyler's encouragement. At her first powerlifting meet Tyler told her Dane was the coach: he was moral support and back up. Between the two of them they settled her enough to keep her focused on her goals and her job. She was hooked. The nerves, the nausea, even the gold stars earned faded from memory when she stepped to the platform and that loaded bar.
It felt like coming home. That loaded barbell was waiting for her and she knew exactly what to do with it. It wouldn't belittle her, tease her or make her feel like less.
She competed in 2 more meets in 2016 and succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. There are three trophies at the Pride Fitness Performance Center testifying to that.
2016 wasn't all wonderful. She lost her father, a man she never really knew or understood and a man she could unfortunately never trust. Despite her lack of a relationship with the man she has grieved his loss, quietly, in her own way and in her own time. She also had to admit that working out multiple times per day wasn't working for her. Dane and Tyler had gently suggested that to her many times, but finally she admitted they were right and asked them to help her design a program that made sense. It was not an easy adjustment, but it was a worthwhile one.
The last surprise of 2016 happened on January 14, 2017. Pride has a yearly Athlete of the Year award. The Queen of the Pride for 2014 was Sue Leroux, the Queen of the Pride in 2015 was Kristen Roberge. These women are beyond inspirational and they are both athletes. The woman looked up to both of them so much.
Tyler had the 2014 Queen of the Pride announce the 2016 Athlete of the Year. The name was announced, tears were shed and Tyler had a lot of wonderful things to say. It was a complete surprise to her, but no one else seemed remotely shocked.
This story is about me of course. I have no idea how I got so lucky in life. I have the two best coaches in the world. I have found a passion that makes me feel strong, competent and worthwhile. I have even discovered the men I know don't seem to mind if I am strong. They are my friends and they cheer me on. Speaking of friends I have the most amazing group of people supporting me. I am still not the life of the party. I tend to drift toward the fringe and observe. My friends allow that to happen and make it clear I am welcome and I am loved just as I am.
I was awfully long-winded this time, wasn't I?
My point in all this: Life is amazing, completely and utterly amazing. I didn't always believe that or recognize that and I thought several times I wanted to give up. I tried several times to give up. I am so glad I hung on through the tough times so I could see how great life can really be.
Here's to an epic 2017. New challenges and new adventures. Can't wait to experience it all.
Seriously? Still shocked by this.
Thanks for reading!
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