My wheelhouse

What a week!

The final two days working out in the old Pride Fitness Performance building. I am excited to see the new Pride Fitness Performance Center, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sad too. My journey started in that building. I was comfortable there. Even I am wise enough to know that things have to change in order for me to keep growing. So I cried all the way home from Yoga Corr last Tuesday night, I think it is okay to be sad for what's changing at the same time I am excited for what's ahead. When I really think about it rationally the only thing changing is the location: I will still have my coaches and my friends will be there. So my sadness is more about letting go of the familiar than anything else.

Handling change like a sane, rational adult is not in my wheelhouse.

It was Open House at school this week too. As a special educator I never see many parents during the evening so this year I volunteered to help out at the book fair. I got to be a cashier again. I discovered I am no longer suited to being a cashier. Teaching was a much better career choice. Not that I couldn't do it, not that I didn't do it, but I should have set my FitBit to measure the time as a workout, because I am pretty sure my heart rate stayed up the entire time. It was like working retail on Black Friday or on Christmas Eve. Fortunately everyone at the book fair seemed patient and kind.

Being a cashier might be in my wheelhouse, but I don't necessarily like it.

I had a lot of free time this week with no Pride workouts from Wednesday on. If this blog had a soundtrack you would now start to hear some anxiety provoking music. What did I do you ask? Well I did some research....okay I did a lot of research. Seriously people, I need a keeper...I should not be allowed free time: I don't use it well.

What did I research you might be wondering. Or you are just resigned to the fact that this is my blog, and I'm going to tell you whether you care or not. I researched powerlifting federations and choosing your attempts for a powerlifting meet.

First the federations. Why look for something new when I am almost comfortable with Vermont Powerlifting? Sometimes no matter how much I hate change even I have to admit it is necessary. I realize I have only been powelifting for a year, I have two meets under my belt and one looming. I know the nausea and nerves will not be improving if I join another federation.

So knowing all that WHY the hell would I be looking at a new federation?

I want more. I am not content to stay where I am. I have spent far too much of my life wanting more and not daring to go for it. I am not going to do that anymore. If I am not willing to work through the discomfort of change and reach for what I want why should Tyler or Dane give so much of their time and expertise to train me? Why should the friends who come to my meets continue to come to cheer me on?

Maybe I am at the top of my game and I've gone as far as I can with powerlifting, but I'm not content to just assume that: I want to know for sure. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering: I want to know. My dream, my goal is to compete in a national meet. I want to see how I measure up to other women my age. I want to see some of the powerlifters I read about in person and watch them lift in person.

As for researching how to pick meet attempts that I was mostly curious about. I know how to do it: Dane told me before my first meet and he picked my attempts for me for my first and second. This time I want to show him my thoughts and get his input. I want to show him I've grown. I've decided after all I read I am just going to pick based on the format he told me about. I read everything from your only goal should be to go 9 for 9 even if you don't PR to go for broke on your third attempt leave everything on the platform.

Handling free time is not in my wheelhouse either.

So what exactly is in my wheelhouse?

I rediscovered that on Saturday. I joined 3 of my friends and Coach Dane at Fortitude Fitness Systems in Lyndonville to participate in Deveney's Decathalon, a fundraising event to support one of the most caring, giving women I know. One of the events was Deadlift. You know I entered that one.

The thing is that recently being behind a loaded bar doesn't feel comfortable. There has been a lot of upheaval in my life since August 25 and it has absolutely impacted me and my training. No, I was not close to my father, in fact we didn't have a relationship at all, but he was still my Dad. I still have to process his death and weave it into the fabric of my life. I still lost a parent.

Yesterday to warm up I loaded the bar with 135 pounds and stepped up to it. I got set and I pulled. It felt good again, it felt right. It felt like coming home. Dane reminded me to get closer to the bar, I put more weight on and pulled again. It felt wonderful. Dane and I discussed me wearing my weight belt. I hadn't planned on it, but I know I need practice to get comfortable with it so in November it is just an extension of me like my Chuck Taylors and the long socks. I put it on and lifted. Before my first pull with it Dane had to remind me to bring my hips up a little. For some reason I put the belt on and I want to squat before I pull. Who knows why...I have learned not to ask, just retrain my body

Then warm up was over and it was time to compete. I had to lift each of my attempts 3 times. My third attempt was 305 pounds and it felt so easy. Adrenaline is a fabulous thing. I was home. I knew what to do: I chalked up, I stepped behind the bar, I set my feet, I set my body and hands, I stared through the opposite wall and I pulled. Later, when I watched a video I heard Coach Dane tell me it was simple and another time that it was baby weight at the time all I heard was my heart thumping along in my chest.

Another friend told me she has never seen me smile as big as I do after I lift. Later on one of my best friends told me I was a master deadlifter (MASTER deadlifter, to copy her words) and another friend told me it was an honor to watch me in my wheelhouse.

It's true, I have a wheelhouse. Deadlifting specifically is in my wheelhouse and to a lesser extent, but something I intend to work on: squatting and bench pressing are in my wheelhouse.

I. Am. A. Powerlifter. I am most at home behind a loaded barbell and that is a wonderful thing.

I have been at this party for a year now, but I've been a wallflower. No more. I am strong. I will ROAR. I will leave no doubt that I have skills. I am home.

Thanks for reading!