I've been quiet for a bit. Not because I've had nothing to say, but because I've been busy and trying to decide how to say what I wanted to say. I'm still not sure I know how or have the talent to put the right words to my thoughts and feelings, but I'm going to try.
Let's start with the biggest event in my life: the new Pride Fitness Performance Center. OMG... seriously: OMG! I have no idea how Tyler and Dane got it all done. I know they had help, but still...it is AMAZING! So huge, so new and still familiar and comfortable. That was my biggest worry. When I walked in Monday morning October 3 I must have looked like a kid on Christmas day taking everything in. I didn't hug the walls or anything, but I could have. I brought my two trophies back and Tyler showed me where to put them. I can't imagine he'd had any sleep at all in a while, but he was obviously proud and excited to share the new space.
My favorite space is The Asylum. How could I not love the space with the plates, barbells and a whole lot of dumbbells? There are plenty of villains and heroes there too to inspire the monster or beast within.
After class on Monday I approached Tyler and Dane and asked if there was a time in the next couple of weeks we could meet to discuss my training. Before I could say anything I got a hug from Tyler. It just about got the tears flowing, but I mustered my strength and kept it in. Then I asked if there was time the three of us could talk. Tyler suggested Thursday and I agreed. It worked perfectly: I had a meeting in Newport that afternoon and would be done about 3:30 so I could come early.
Thursday afternoon came and I got more and more anxious as the time got closer. I can remind myself a million times that change is good, but when I am faced with it I worry. The conversation was fine. Dane outlined his thoughts for me and when Tyler came in he looked over Dane's thoughts, they talked a bit and I had a new training plan. Not much changed on the surface, but in reality everything changed. I told Dane I was fine with change, I would follow his advice and recommendations, but I was not willing to lose my training time with Tyler. I agree my training needs to get more specific, but I also need the conditioning, core and mobility work. Besides I like Tyler: I want to spend time with him learning from him. I want the best of both worlds and it seems both of them wanted me to have that too.
Here's my new training schedule, just in case any of you are curious.
Monday: 5:30 am Pride Fit Group Training with Tyler
Tuesday: 5:15pm Personal Training with Dane
7:15 pm Yoga Corr with Tyler
Wednesday: 6 pm Muscle Hour with Dane
Thursday: 4:15 pm Buddy Training with Dane
Friday: 5:30 am Pride Fit Group Training with Tyler
OR
6 pm Muscle Hour: Flex Friday
The hardest for me so far has been Friday. The first week I went to Pride Fit class and felt weird not going to Flex Friday. This week I chose Flex Friday and missed Pride Fit even more than I imagined I would. I missed the 5:30 am crew: I have worked out with many of the people in that class since I started working out and I missed them. I missed starting my day in the way that feels normal. ]
I understand I need to work more on my big three lifts for the upcoming meet and my future goals. I am beyond thankful and grateful that Tyler and Dane are willing to work with me and design a program that will give me the opportunity to see if I have what it takes to be on a national platform some day. As Tyler said if that is what I want I need to give it a 100% run. Perhaps I am never meant to be on a national stage, but I refuse to wonder about it: I'm going to give it my all and have the answer. Deep down I think I have what it takes for a national competition, but we'll see.
For the moment I am focused on November 6 and being the strongest, best athlete I can be on that day. After that I will ponder the future.
Dane told me recently that I have grown leaps and bounds since he started working with me. He is the one who first suggested powerlifting to me. He is one of my biggest supporters and he pushes me to be better every time I train with him. He keeps telling me that I need to be confident in my abilities. He and Tyler keep upping the ante and expecting I am going to deliver.
Wednesday night at Muscle Hour we were flipping the 475ish pound tire and after I finished 5 flips Tyler was standing in the doorway to the Asylum and he mentioned "the beast" was waiting for me. The beast turned out to be the 525ish pound tire. I have flipped that thing before and jammed the middle finger on my left hand doing it. When I realized what Tyler was talking about I wasn't so sure I was waiting for the beast. I flipped the 475 several more rounds and then decided it was put up or shut up time. I went into the Asylum and watched someone else flip the beast.
Then it was my turn. One of the hardest things about flipping the 525 pound tire is that there seems to be about one spot on the tire you can get a decent grip. I didn't find that spot, but I wasn't letting it go. Tyler was right there encouraging and coaching, he might even have helped me, I'm not sure but I flipped it and didn't jam any fingers this time. Then I got a fist bump. Yeah!! Love those.
Just one more thing and I will let you get back to your regularly scheduled life. For the last several nights I've had a recurring dream. Not a recurring dream really, but one person keeps recurring in my dreams: My father. He hasn't said anything, he is in the background just standing, just watching. The first night it irritated me. I don't remember what I was dreaming, but I was irritated that he was there. Last night I dreamed I was at Pride, in The Asylum, doing what I do best: deadlifting. He was there, in the corner, by the whiteboard that used to have Muscle Hour members' PRs for deadlifts, squats, cleans and presses. He was quiet, he just watched. Tyler and Dane were there too, coaching, cheering me on (I heard "Pull that BAR!" a lot) and when I was done I looked up and my father smiled. Then I woke up.
I am choosing to believe these dreams have been his way of checking in. Maybe he wishes he'd made an effort to understand me when he was alive. I don't know if that's true, I am not interested in speculating, but if he wants to check in from time to time I don't mind. I don't have anything to say, whatever I wanted to say was said in a letter no one will ever read that I wrote and destroyed in Spetember. It is time I move forward and move on.
I am strong, I've always been strong and now I need to gather that strength, move forward and bring every bit of who I am to bear on November 6. I may not set the world on fire, but there will be no doubt that I gave everything I had to give when the meet ends.
One last thing, a couple of pictures then I'll let you get back to your life.
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| Deadlifts in The Asylum with the Joker watching. I like how it looks like the bar is bending. Photo courtesy of Tyler Tinker. |
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| Isn't that sweet? The barbell kissed me. Bruises from front squat work designed to make me more explosive driving out of the hole when I squat.
Thanks for reading!
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