So?

"F-E-A-R has two meanings: ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise.’ The choice is yours."  ~Zig Ziglar

I found this quote Thursday while skulking around on Facebook and I love it. I've been a runner and I've tried to face things. It's not easy and I still find myself debating the wisdom of both courses when situations I don't like arise.

So many situations currently make me want to turn and run, but it won't solve anything. I've been pushed into a corner in some of the situations and even when I clearly (at least to my mind) state my wishes people still feel free to ask if I will still do what I just told them I wouldn't do. The only explanation I can come up with is that I am speaking a different language than they are.

Honestly, I think it's true. I'm FINALLY speaking for myself and not with the intention of making everyone think I am the best person in the world. Some people are going to dislike me no matter what and the fastest way to sabotage myself and any success I may have attained is to try to make everyone happy all the time.

There was one memorable conversation when I burst into tears trying to put how I was feeling into words. The end result: I got to sit through a 10 minute talking to where a person who called herself my "friend" and "mentor" told me how I would ruin her life if I did what would make me happiest. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the floor at least once. I definitely remember thinking "Did I just explain that I am miserable and I have to take control of my own happiness and do what is best for me??? Maybe I just dreamed that part of the conversation."

Excuse me for noting the obvious, but the person I was talking to was neither my friend nor a person who deserved to be called my mentor. Just another person who liked me for my ability to be manipulated and molded into what they wanted me to be. Sorry, that "Kim" is gone now: she's finally realized she is worth more than her ability to make anyone else look good. The people that can't or won't accept that have absolutely no place in my life and they will find that out in due course. I am done making a place in my life for people who don't want me to spread my wings and fly.

Stand beside me or get out of my way to be blunt about it.

So I'm suddenly perfect and "fixed" right? I'm a success and my life is all sunshine and rainbows? Sure it is: I also have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Life is a precious gift, I won't deny that. Life is also scary and painful. I can't change that. The painful, frightening times are there to remind me how amazing the good times are.

For the moment I am right where I need to be. There are lessons I need to learn from the situations I face. I'm also open to change. I won't "forget everything and run" even when it's tempting and would be the easiest thing in the world to do. I will do my best to "face everything and rise". I won't be perfect, there are times I may run. My hope is when I do run I will find the strength of character to turn around and face the situation when I've had time to regroup.

My workouts lately have been hampered by letting garbage take up space in my head. That garbage makes it hard to sleep so I'm tired. I'm stepping up the frequency of my workouts so I can be an asset to my team when it is time to take the course for Tough Mudder and my body is letting me know that with more aches than I've experienced in some time. There have been workouts I've felt as if it took everything I had just to get out of my own way, I truly hate that feeling. I know not every workout will be worthy of top performer, but I have a sinking feeling none of my workouts since the beginning of 2014 have been top performer worthy. Only I can change that.

Thanks for reading.