Day 82

Sorry about the lack of a post on Tuesday last week and this week. I wasn't feeling inspired at the time. A million things were swirling through my head, jumbled, disorganized, mostly negative thoughts. No way did I want to share those with other people. I didn't want to be having most of those thoughts and I didn't know how to put them into words anyway.

On April 30 the Biggest Mooser competition will come to an end. Theresa, Andrea, Amanda and I will go to Moo92 for final measurements and the announcement of the winner. This has been a big focus of my anxiety and worry. I've been on an adventure (thanks for that word Mary, it sums the experience up perfectly) for the past 12 or more weeks and it will be ending soon. I have the tools to carry this forward I know I do, but I'm worried and anxious. I'm standing in what feels like a safe place right now and looking out at a future that isn't as clear. I'm losing some sleep over this, let's be honest.

What I keep trying to remind myself, with varying degrees of success is that the instructors will still be there when I'm not a Mooser, Bootcamp will still be there. Most importantly my friends will still be there. All the people who have supported and encouraged me to keep pushing and keep moving through the competition will still be there.

I have new goals in mind too for after the competition. Some goals I set for myself when I started this Mooser journey will likely be on the list since I may not have met them yet. I plan to try my first half-marathon ever in January 2013. When I can barely jog a quarter of a mile, 13.1 miles seems impossible, but I know I can do it. I might not be the first to finish the race, but I WILL finish it.

So, enough of my anxieties...let's focus on some positive:

1. I've discovered that when I double up on my workouts now I actually have energy to give to the second workout. I'm not saying I don't give my best effort in my first workout. I'm saying I've developed some endurance and stamina.

2. Despite some "bumps" strains, sprains and super sore muscles I haven't quit. I've overslept more times than I wanted to, but I get a workout in anyway. I've discovered if I don't exercise the only person I'm cheating is myself.

3. I have muscles! Yes, I know I had them before, but there sure seems to be a lot less fat between my skin and the muscles now.

4. This one goes along with #1: I actually enjoy exercise. Do I get up every morning and think "YES! EXERCISE!"? -Nope. Most mornings I remind myself the class will be an hour out of my life and I can do anything for an hour. Then I get to class and find out the workout is just what I needed.

5. The wall is still there and I bump into it from time to time, but I don't quit. I might back off for a bit, but then I'm back at it pushing the wall out of my way.

6. The changes I've made are for a lifetime, not for a competition. If my numbers don't make me the winner I've still won. I have a body I'm proud of for the first time ever. I'm strong and I can do more than I ever expected.

As always, thanks for reading!