Day 17

Again I get to answer the question: What do you do when you encounter a "bump" in the road? To borrow a phrase from a friend: I'm pulling up my big girl panties and moving forward. 

This time it was my right knee. I was doing step-ups with weights and on my last step up there was a "pop". Nothing earth-shattering, nothing that made me want to scream or cry, just an uh-oh and a gasp. I finished semi-private training though. Maybe not doing exactly what was planned for me to do, but I finished. I did modified step-ups and completed 4 rounds of 8 push ups and even pulled that sled 1 and 1/2 rounds. I was pretty pleased with myself, especially since I had completed a boot camp class before semi-private training started. 

Before my "bump" came a moment that I still can't quite believe. I was able to dead lift over 200 pounds, I don't remember exactly how much it was, but I DID IT! I have more strength than I thought I did. It felt good to be able to do it and I still grin when I think of it, even if the thought occurs to me while I'm moving slowly down a hallway. I did it and I'm going to heal and do even more amazing things: just watch me.

You knew I was going to have a soul baring moment in this blog, here it comes! 

I came close last week to ending this blog. People are commenting on it, telling we how they enjoy my posts and writing style and it made me uncomfortable. I tend to try and fly under the radar when possible. I felt a little panicky and wasn't sure continuing this was in my best interest. I didn't think I was strong enough or important enough to be getting attention. I wanted to continue on unnoticed. Sometimes life has other plans.

I finally realized last night that I AM STRONG. That dead lift drove the message home in a way no one's words ever could. I proved to myself that I have the physical strength to do something I would have said was impossible five minutes before. In fact, before I stepped up to the weight to lift it I watched Ben add more plates and thought he was nuts. Turns out he knew exactly what he was doing and the feeling of lifting that much weight 6 times was pretty incredible.

So now I move forward. I will move slowly and follow directions and advice, but I am not quitting. I am not quitting my blog, I am not quitting my workouts and I am not quitting this transformation. Would it be easier to quit? Undoubtedly, but I'm stubborn and determined. Whether at the end of the 12 weeks I am the biggest mooser or not I've won already: I made new friends, changed my life for the better and discovered a pretty wonderful person: ME.


Now I'll leave you with a quote I have posted on my filing cabinet at work: 

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson