991.1

Yesterday I stepped out of my comfort zone again and competed in another powerlifting meet. The USAPL VT State Championship was my fifth meet overall and my second meet with USAPL. I must be a pro at this now right? HA! Nope, I was as nervous as I was my very first time. I ate breakfast and within an hour and half wished I hadn't.

I love lifting. I truly do. I would be happier doing it without a crowd, but deep down I enjoy the crowd too. The energy from the crowd and the adrenaline rush push me to dig deep and be better than I believe possible.

After my meet on April 29, my goal for this meet was to nail my squats. I wanted 3 perfect squats, or at least as close to perfect as I could make them. I wanted to get below parallel, not rush the lift and see three white lights when I was done. I also wanted to set a new PR, but I was prepared to be very conservative if I needed to be in order to go 3/3 on my squats. My first squat I got under the bar, reminded myself not to rush it and stood. That first instant when the weight settles on me I always have a split second of panic. I've gotten good at squashing it quickly. There is nothing to be gained from thinking "This is so heavy. I'm going to get stuck." There were 3 spotters, they were going to do their job and be sure I didn't get in trouble. So I ignored that panicky little voice and stepped out of the rack. The judge in front of me reminded me to lock my knees, waited a second and gave the start command. My first squat (292.2 lbs) was a success. I got low, I came out of the hole well and I waited for the rack command. Three white lights, one lift down, two more to go.

My second squat was 319 pounds, approaching my 335 PR, but still conservative. I got under the bar in the rack and there was that moment of panic as I lifted it and let it settle on me. I stepped out, settled myself and waited. When I went down I reminded myself to wait a second or 2 so the judges had time to see that I was below parallel. I do realize they probably know as soon as I get to the bottom of my squat, but I tend to rush, so I am better off giving it a second or 2 just to be positive. Then I came up. My friends say I never stopped, I watched the video and I don't stop, but I swear it seemed like that bar stopped dead as I was coming out of the hole. I waited for the rack command and racked it, but I felt rattled. I got three white lights on that squat too: Yay!

I think part of the way I was feeling was knowing I was going to attempt a PR for my third squat. PRs always make me feel anxious. Coach D has told me more than one time that if I'm not anxious before a PR, I should go heavier. At the table I decided on 341 pounds. I considered trying for the next step up, 347 pounds, but decided a 6 pound PR was enough. Then I waited, watching the other women squat their third attempts. As I sat my heart rate ramped up. I finally took off my fitbit, because feeling my heart picking up its pace was enough: I didn't need to see how much it was creeping up as I waited for my turn. I was beyond anxious by the time it was my turn, I was flat out scared.

My third squat looks good on video, I'd have to agree with my friends who said it looked easy. It felt anything but. In fact as soon as I was done I started crying. I cried on Hailey, I cried on Eric, I cried on Jackie. Seriously...I was a mess there for a few minutes. I did what I wanted and needed to do: I went 3/3 on my squats.

Next was the bench press. I'm learning to like this lift, but it is by far my weakest lift. I need to work on strengthening my shoulders so I can widen my grip on the bar when I bench. I was the woman with the closest grip and everyone I spoke with yesterday told me it was easier to bench with a wider grip I wouldn't have to press as far. I need to work on that! My first attempt was 176 pounds and I had a good lift. My stand-in coach Gregg urged me to go for it with attempts 2 and 3. 176 felt good so I decided to try 203.9 pounds for my second attempt, and, as it turns out, my third attempt. My third attempt I was at least able to press 203.9.  I got it up, but it was NOT pretty...it was a mess and it was a no lift. My right shoulder was complaining loudly about the treatment I'd given it on my second attempt and even with a slightly wider grip for attempt three it was one achy, sore joint.

Usually when my lifts don't go as I want I resort to sniping at myself and being as nasty as possible. Conversations with Nikki and Hailey had a huge impact on my feelings about what happened with my Bench Press. They both reminded me that when you start anything your gains come easier and faster. The point I am at now I will make gains, but they aren't likely to be as fast as before. Now I will have to work on technique, on knowing my body and figuring out how to use what I know about how my body works best and the USAPL rules to be as successful as possible. Good thing Coach D will be around to guide me and train me. Left to my own devices it might not be a good outcome.

So even though I went 1/3 on my bench press I was proud. I did my best, there is nothing more I could have done.

On to the deadlift, my favorite lift and the one that was the hardest for me on April 29. I made my first deadlift of 385 pounds. Attempts 2 and 3 were 440 pounds. If I had it to do again I would have reined myself in on attempt 2 to add more pounds to my total with a number I know for sure I could have pulled. 420 or 425 would have been fine, but I got it in my head I wanted 440.9. Turns out it was too much of a jump and my second attempt was not pretty, in fact it was downright ugly. Attempt 3 was a little better, but still a "no lift"

Making 1/3 deadlifts wasn't my favorite part of the day, but I gave everything I had to give. I've never really understood what people mean when they say they "left it all on the platform". After yesterday I get it. I had nothing left when I was done. It was all I could do to string words together in a somewhat coherent fashion. Mostly I sat, I watched the men deadlift, cheered, clapped and thought over my day. I didn't get to a 1000 pound three lift total yesterday. I thought that would bother me, it truly didn't.

I've thought a lot about that. I think part of it is I know there was nothing more I could have done. I gave my all on that platform.

I brought home hardware too. A gold medal for my weight class (84kg+ if you care about that). That medal will likely be going to join my other hardware at my happy place, Pride Fitness Performance. I enjoy the hardware, but it's not my primary motivation. I love to lift, I would do it for the sheer pleasure of moving the barbell. I'm happy with a fist bump and the words "good work" when I'm done. When I get a shoulder squeeze or a hug I am over the moon. My medal is cool, it was hard-won, but the kind words from friends and fellow competitors meant even more.

After awards it was time for food and the celebratory tequila shot. Eric, Hailey and Sylvie joined me in a tequila shot and Nikki joined us with a Fireball shot. Have I mentioned that I LOVE these people??

My friends are the best. They travel with me, don't get too flustered or upset when I get moody and snap before a meet. They encourage me and give plenty of hugs and atta girls throughout the meet to keep me going and focused.

So what is my new PR total? And my meet total for that matter?

Thanks to my amazing friend Nikki I have a nifty spreadsheet with my lift attempts, my meet total and my PR total. She was also in charge of snacks and she is BEYOND phenomenal. I didn't eat much, a handful of grapes and a couple of  M 'n M's and some peanut butter crackers, but there was a ton of food had I been so inclined.

Back from the tangent now.

My current PR total is 991.1 pounds (8.9 pounds to get to 1000 pounds. I will get there.)
My meet total was 903.9 pounds

There will be another meet sometime in 2017. Not anytime soon, I had seven weeks between the NH State Championship and the VT State Championship. Coach D did an amazing job getting me ready, but it's time to rest now. The work won't stop, I know Coach D too well to think it will, but I suspect the intensity might lessen a bit to give my body time to recover. Then it will be back to the drawing board, preparing me physically and mentally for the next challenge.

I am proud of what I accomplished yesterday. I was able to be successful without my coaches there. I know I want them there for the comfort factor, but I can do it without them. I am not their only client and there are times I feel I demand the lion's share of their attention. As long as my friends are there I will be fine. I am still not comfortable with the idea of "Team Kim", or even "Team Pride" for that matter, but I accept it.

I love these people. Thank you Sylvie, Hailey, Nikki, Eric, Kaitlyn, Carole, Jamie and Gregg for the support. Missing are Norm, Jackie, Eileen and Dan, but they deserve just as many thanks. I am blessed.

Thanks for reading!