Friday, February 10, 2017

Special?

Today was an inservice day. Inservice days are designed to provide teachers with professional development. Sometimes these days are more useful and relevant than others. Today was relevant on several different levels. I'm going to attempt to talk about my feelings on one of those moments now.

We opened the day in the high school auditorium watching a video about growth mindset. The title of the video was The Power of Belief: Mindset and Success.  The speaker was Eduardo Brinceno.  

Of course you know exactly where my mind went. I could have thought about my job, but I didn't. My job is important, I will never deny that, but I do not choose to be defined by my job. I even enjoy my job, but it is NOT who I am.

So back from the latest tangent. Where was I?

Oh right...I was going to tell you how I interpreted this video.

People have started calling me an athlete and telling me how inspirational I am. I find it flattering, but also uncomfortable. I am not awesome: I am the woman who trips on flat surfaces. I am also the woman who fails over and over and does not give up. Perhaps that's why people find me inspirational: I don't pretend to understand it. I try to be gracious about the compliments, but they truly make me uncomfortable. I do what I do. I'm not special or unique. Stubborn, absolutely yes. Special? Not so much.

The speaker said that if someone thinks their abilities are innate, that they are a "natural" their mindset is fixed and they tend to avoid challenges and give up when things get tough. By comparison someone with a growth mindset knows that their abilities can be developed, that with practice and hard work things that are difficult can become easier. One of the messages that really resonated with me today was that when you think about abilities as something you can learn and develop it is easier to adopt the desire to practice and persevere.

I probably don't need to tell you that my mindset has been fixed most of my life. I was the fat girl. The uncoordinated, untalented fat girl. My natural abilities seemed to be eating and being a couch potato. I excelled at those two things anyway.

I am working on my growth mindset. Take Muscle Hour. I would be perfectly happy if we always worked on deadlifts, back squats or bench pressing. We can't though. Sometimes we need to work on front squats, cleans or jerks. I don't relish those times. There was a long period of time when I whined about it and complained to Coach D every chance I got. Then when it was time to practice I'd repeat "I'm a powerlifter. I don't need these skills" to make myself feel better when I was doing poorly.

One night I heard myself, really heard how I sounded and I cringed. The people pleaser in me shuddered and warned me I was wearing on Coach D's patience and I'd be better served shutting my mouth and getting my head in the game.

I have worked hard to make my cleans and front squats less grim. I don't front squat with the preferred grip, but I do front squat and I bite my tongue to silence most of the whining. I am even working on not telling myself how horrible I am after every rep. I still don't speak nicely to myself very often. I have finally realized if I cut myself some slack it might make my life a whole lot easier. I'm not perfect: I am not likely to become perfect any time in the future, but I have good qualities. Those qualities might be a little clearer if I learn to be kind to the woman in the mirror.

I want to learn all I can and be good at as many things as I can be.

I'm not trying to say I don't move a lot of weight. I know I do. The thing is that doesn't make me special. I didn't start out deadlifting 425 pounds or squatting 315 pounds. Anyone can increase their total if they put in the work and practice. That's all I am doing. I am working on the lifts. I am working on accessory work to make me stronger. I work on my mobility and I work on my overall fitness. I push through the times everything I do is difficult and I relish those times it seems easy, like I am doing what I was made to do.

When the time comes to step on the platform the next time I want to perform to the absolute best of my ability and be proud of what I accomplish. Then when that moment is over I don't intend on resting on what I accomplished. I will study the videos, I will note flaws and I will get back to work to fix them.

My goal is to be better every time I step into the gym and every time I step onto the platform.

I truly appreciate the kind words and comments from every one of you who takes the time to read my posts and slog through my blog. If I ever come across as ungrateful, please know I am not. Please know I am deeply and completely humbled by the fact that you take the time to say what you do to me. I never take kind words for granted.

I'm growing, I'm changing and I'm getting better. With that said I won't rest on what I can do, because I know with hard work, practice and determination I can go even further. Come along for the ride if you like: I think it will be a lot of fun.

Thanks for reading!

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