MY Fight Song

Let's start this off with gratitude for Rachel Platten. I LOVE this song, so much. Maybe almost as much as I love "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson.

I first heard "Fight Song" when I was struggling with who I was and what my purpose was. Yes, even over four years into this journey I still struggle. I wonder why. I wonder if I can do it. Sometimes, even though I know 100% better, I struggle with trusting the process and my coaches.

It is so frustrating at times not to be past the doubts and the worry. That's the hard truth of this journey: it isn't easy, it requires mental strength and very often it requires digging deep to find the spark that makes the fight possible. None of this has come easily, it has required persistence, biting back tears, swallowing screams and occasionally walking away to regroup.

I want what I want and I want it right now. No apologies, no excuses: just the truth. I am impatient by nature, but this journey is teaching me bit by painful bit to cherish any and all progress.

Fight Song reminds me that I might look like I am going down, but that is NOT happening. As the chorus says "And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me".  That's true, even though I don't always recognize it.

This journey, this is MY song, my fight song. I am an enthusiastic singer, though not necessarily talented in that realm. I won't burden any of you with my singing voice, but the path I am on is my masterpiece, my work of art to share with the world.

I'm not sure if my ability to squat, bench press and deadlift is truly art, but it is what I do and what I love to do. I've heard that I make it look easy and maybe that's true, but let me assure you there is NOTHING that feels easy about pulling 385 pounds off the ground or squatting with 259 pounds on my back. If I make it look easy and effortless then I'm all for it, but it is not and it will likely never be easy and I'll be the first to admit it.

Why fight? Why not just pick something that is easy for me?

It is tempting at times to consider just taking the easy way. Why fight and train to pull 400 pounds or more in my next meet? Why hope to squat with about 30 pounds more than I did in November? Why plan to at least bench press my current PR of 185 pounds?

Of course I want to meet my goals to make my coaches proud. I absolutely want to be sure I am representing Pride Fitness Performance well.

At the end of the day I fight for me, for the little girl who had no reason to believe she was "good enough", for the awkward girl in junior high who got bullied because she was an easy target; for the college sophomore who found out just how vicious and cruel people can be.

I fight for the exhausted, depressed, scared 41 year old who knew deep down she had one last chance to craft a life worth living and grabbed on to that opportunity with both hands and held tight.

So what am I training for on April 2nd? What are my goals for myself?

Squat: 295 pounds (current PR 259, set 11/7/15)
Bench Press: 200 pounds (current PR 185, set in 2015)
Deadlift: 415 pounds (current PR 385, set in December 2015)

Time will tell if I can meet my goals. I am training hard, soaking up every bit of instruction I get and when I get corrected I do everything within my power to correct my form and do it again better. I must be doing well, so far I have gotten high fives or fist bumps before I am dismissed to work with my buddy for our Buddy Training finisher.

I don't have delusions that I am an amazingly gifted powerlifter. I think I have potential and as long as I use common sense and listen to my coaches I have just started to discover my strength. I will do my gym and my coaches proud. Most importantly: I will do myself proud.

Thanks for reading.