Strength

What does it mean to be strong? Not physically strong, though I do wonder about that too. No, right now I am thinking more about emotional strength. Is it putting on a mask and going on even when it feels like your world is crashing down around your ears? Is it taking off that mask and letting people actually see you are hurt, heartbroken and scared? Is strength knowing when you can't change a situation and all you can do is focus on the things in your life you are in control of? Or is it a combination of all of the above that is unique for each person?

Putting on a mask and going on is hard when you're a perfectionist. You know you're "half-assing" things even if no one else does. I'm not okay with not giving 100% to everything I do. I do know I won't be perfect at everything and I'm almost okay with that. The people I work out with and the fitness professionals I train with are probably laughing at the "almost". Most of them can probably tell a story about me slamming a fist into the matting or turf and swearing when I can't do something I want to do. I did say I was ALMOST okay with not being perfect. I'm a work in progress...let's move on.

Even harder than wearing a mask so things look fine is taking that mask off. I tried that last Thursday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. In yet another conversation about a topic I hate I reached the end of my endurance. Usually I force the tears back by looking up or blinking rapidly, but this time neither of those strategies was working for me. The tears spilled over and ignoring them was not an option either. What did I do? I put my head in my hands and cried. I cried in front of another person. I worried the world would end right in that second, but it didn't. I showed weakness and the world did not end. That was huge for me. I do my best to keep my feelings inside. I'm a champ at taking the negative emotions and stuffing them down. The problem with that way of dealing with life is that sooner or later there's no room left to stuff anything else and everything explodes. I don't think I'm going to start just bursting into tears whenever the urge hits, but I did learn last week that if I do cry it won't be the end of the world.

In the past three weeks I've tried the mask, letting people see how I feel and now I've moved on to accepting that I can't change the situation and I need to focus on what I do have control over. At the moment there are three things I can control: 1. My nutrition 2. My fitness 3. My dream of being a fitness instructor. For the moment I can exercise, I can and will pay attention to what I put in my mouth and I will continue studying, reading and learning

I guess my blog is evolving now that I am beginning to truly realize that fitness isn't just about physical fitness: it's about mental fitness too. I can't control all situations, but I can control my reaction to all situations. With that in mind, here's a quote I found this morning:


At some point you realize that life is just that: life. Ups, downs, good, bad, it's all just life. It all balances out, and letting every little bump in the road sideline you is no way to live.  ~Stepfanie, Sparkpeople editor



As always thanks for reading.