Moving Forward, Part 2

I have finished writing my goals for 2014 and I will post them in just a minute. You will notice that this year I don't have any weight goals. I have noticed the scale has a disturbing habit of going down then getting stuck in one spot for a long period of time. I find that frustrating and disheartening and I am tired of looking to the scale for reassurance. I need to look at my inches, my body fat percentage and the way my clothing fits.

Most of my goals for 2014 are fitness goals. In 2013 I made great strides in my fitness, but the lion's share of my attention was on the mental part of this journey. I had to let go of the garbage or I wouldn't have been able to move forward. 2014 is the year to bring the same focus and attention to my fitness.

Any comments or suggestions on the following goals are welcome. You may comment on this entry, message me on Facebook, or send me an email (fivepets@hotmail.com). Or we can talk face to face and you can help me work on Personal Growth and Health Goal #1.

2014 Goals

FITNESS GOALS
1. Turn in my green band by March 2014.
    a. Perform corrective exercises daily
    b. Ask Ben to assess progress in mid-February

2. Begin running.
     a. Complete the Derby Elementary School Cornfield Mile Run in less than 18 minutes: June 2014.
     b. Complete a 5K in less than 45 minutes by August 2014.
     c. Train for a half marathon to be completed in 2015.

3. Complete Tough Mudder New England in less than 8 hours: May, 31, 2014.
    a. Continue personal training to work on strength and endurance.
    b. Begin snowshoeing and/or cross country skiing in January 2014.
    c. Hike when possible (after purchase of yak trax).

4. Complete a Spartan Sprint (Fall 2014?).

5. Compete in a strongman competition.

6. By October 2014 move up in the "300 club" on the deadlift board to 315 pounds.
    a. By February 2014, deadlift 275 pounds.
    b. By April 2014, deadlift 285 pounds.
    c. By June 2014, deadlift 295 pounds
    d. By August 2014, deadlift 305 pounds

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT & HEALTH GOALS:
1. By December 2014 I will rely less on email to communicate. I have a voice, I need to use it. On 4 out of 5 occasions when I have a question or concern I will speak with people face-to-face instead of sending a message.

2. I will endeavor to participate in activities that make me uncomfortable at least once per quarter.
a. I will participate in the Fortitude Fitness Systems Photo Shoot on Saturday, January 25, 2014.

b. I will continue to update and write in my blog regularly throughout 2014.

c. By June 2014 I will be able to step outside my own mind during a workout and encourage/support others.

3. I will accept compliments and recognition with a smile and a simple “thank you” on 8 out of 10 occasions by December 2014.

4. I will drink at least on gallon of water per day 6 out of 7 days per week.
 
5. By December 2014 I will achieve the following Hips: 43 inches; Waist: 33 inches; Thigh: 24 inches and Arm: 13 inches.
*Short term goals will be set when I have current measurements to work from.


There you have it...my map for the start of 2014. These goals are not set in stone, they will be revised and rewritten as necessary. Stay tuned for the continuing journey.

Thanks for reading: Happy New Year!

Moving Forward

As you recall in my last blog I was anxious about the announcement of Badass of the Year. Turns out I had reason to be. I was chosen as Badass of the Year for Fortitude Fitness Systems. I am rather proud of myself for not bursting into sobs the instant Ben said my name. I teared up, but I held it together fairly well. It has sunk in that it was my name and I wasn't mishearing things, but there's still a feeling of wonder and shock. It is a huge honor and I am thrilled. Stunned, but thrilled. Okay, so maybe it hasn't completely sunk in yet. Someone pinch me so I'll know I'm not dreaming.

January 1, 2014 is closing in quickly and it's time to write some goals. Most of you already know I am a special educator so I write goals for a living. Here goes...

FITNESS GOALS
1. Turn in my green band by March 2014.
    a. Perform corrective exercises daily
    b. Ask Ben to assess progress in mid-February

2. Begin running.
     a. Complete the Derby Elementary School Cornfield Mile Run in less than 18 minutes: June 2014.
     b. Complete a 5K in less than 45 minutes by August 2014.
     c. Train for a half marathon to be completed in 2015.

3. Complete Tough Mudder New England in less than 8 hours: May, 31, 2014.
    a. Continue personal training to work on strength and endurance.
    b. Begin snowshoeing and/or cross country skiing in January 2014.
    c. Hike when possible (after purchase of yak trax).

4. Complete a Spartan Sprint (Fall 2014?).

5. Compete in a strongman competition.

6. By October 2014 move up in the "300 club" on the deadlift board to 315 pounds.
    a. By February 2014, deadlift 275 pounds.
    b. By April 2014, deadlift 285 pounds.
    c. By June 2014, deadlift 295 pounds
    d. By August 2014, deadlift 305 pounds

I have some personal and measurement goals as well, but those are less well-developed and I'm not quite ready to share them. Patience, they'll be here soon enough. If I post them here I won't need to worry about losing them in the black hole that is my bedroom.

Thanks 2013: it was an amazing year. Welcome 2014: I have BIG plans.

Thanks for reading!

Thinking back...

Wow has 2013 flown by for the most part. I'd be lying if I said that there weren't days that felt 24 years long instead of only 24 hours.  Be that as it may, in one week 2014 will be here. There are so many things I am planning to accomplish next year, but it seemed like it might be a good idea to sit back and reflect on 2013.

1. My number one memory for 2013 won't be a surprise for anyone: Tough Mudder. It made such an impact on me I'm going to do it again. I've been told I can get therapy for that. I just smile, those people don't understand.

Simply put: Tough Mudder changed me. I thought I was getting stronger, I was pretty sure I was more fit. When I stepped across the finish line and collected my orange headband I knew I was stronger and more fit than I believed. I discovered I was stronger than all the negative comments and voices I had let take up residence in my brain. Was I perfect? Umm...NO! I found out physical pain can be pushed aside when the goal means enough to you. I learned leaning on my friends and letting them help me is not a sign of weakness. Most importantly I figured out that the people in my life telling me good things were right: I am worth it.

2. Wall of Fame. So why in the world would someone who likes having her picture taken as much as she likes having her files audited while she's undergoing a root canal be so excited about being invited to join the Wall of Fame at Fortitude Fitness Systems? To me it means I have truly crossed the line from someone at the studio to a member of the FFS family.

Don't get me wrong, I have been welcomed and made to feel important from the first time I stepped through the door. It was more my own attitude: I didn't feel like I "belonged". The plaque isn't on the wall yet, but rest assured you'll know when it arrives.

3. This one was a complete shock and surprise to me. I keep hearing that it shouldn't be a shock or a surprise and I'm sure that's true, but it still feels like it came completely out of left field. I was nominated as one of the three candidates for "FFS Badass of the Year". I look at the other two nominees and I understand why they were nominated. One has made extremely impressive gains in strength and personal records. The other nominee has had physical results that are stunning. Then I look at myself...uh, wth? I missed something somewhere...or as usual, I underestimate myself and what I've accomplished in 2013.

I've been working on trust, so as much as I'd like to email the person who picked me and ask WTH?! I am making the decision to trust his choice (...and questioning it to all my friends. Thank you guys for not just smacking me and telling me to shut up). Saturday at the Badass Appreciation Party the Badass of the Year will be announced. I wish the other two nominees the best of luck and I will cheer and clap the loudest for whichever one of them wins. Yes, I know it could be me as well, but in that case there will be even more shock and plenty of tears.


4. I flipped the 475 pound tire. I still want someone to video this and someday I might get around to actually asking for it instead of just writing about it. Baby steps here, I'm still not a fan of pictures of myself.

Every other week I do a 10 minute circuit with 6 tire flips and 12 mountain climbers to see how many rounds I can complete. I love the feeling of getting that tire up and pushing it over.The sound it makes when it slams to the turf is so satisfying. A couple of rounds of tire flips and the stress melts away.

5. Personal growth. I actually say nice things to myself now. When I make a mistake the little voice in my head doesn't fire back with "Loser", "Idiot" or any of the countless other nasty comments that were on an endless loop in my mind. More often than not the response is "deep breath, focus. Try again." Sometimes the voice sounds suspiciously like Ben when I hear "Fight", "Dominate this", "No quit". It's a nice change.

I'm slowly learning to take compliments too. I don't question people anymore. I try really hard to smile and thank the person complimenting me instead of asking them if they're nuts. I do appreciate the kind words and people taking time out of their day to let me know they notice me or something about me.

Another personal area I'm working hard on is those things that scare me. The ideas I hear and my immediate response is "Oh HELL no...no way, not me". I used to go with my gut and just say no. Now I at least force myself to think about it. If something scares me, but participating won't cause me any harm then I think I owe it to myself to give it a try. I might not be the best/prettiest/strongest/smartest, but if I never try I'll never know what I am truly capable of.

I think that's been my biggest change over year two of this journey. I feel confident enough to give myself the opportunity to experience all that is out there. I don't shy away from new opportunities because I might not be the best. I try to put my game face on and meet the challenges head on. It's not always easy, sometimes I need a well timed kick in the butt from a mentor, but I will rise to the occasion and give it my best.

Now that I'm done reflecting it is time to get serious about 2014 and what I will accomplish in year 3 of this journey to fitness, happiness and health. You're welcome along for the ride and I'd be happy to encourage you along the path if you have decided to make 2014 your year to be more fit. I'll go for walks with you and cheer you on in any way I can. I've had so many wonderful people to cheer me on it's time to pay it forward.

Thanks for reading!

One of my wonderful Christmas gifts! TM 2014 here I come!!

What Not to Wear

This isn't the post I planned to write when I sat down, but it's been on my mind. There's no time like the present, right?

I was industrious this weekend. Not only did I make lots of Christmas cookies and vacuum the house top to bottom, I did three loads of laundry. As I was folding my clothes it dawned on me I have no idea how to dress myself. Yes, I manage to go through each day with clothes on, but I have NO idea whatsoever if what I choose looks good. I have two new-to-me sweaters I wore last week and I was SO uncomfortable in them. People made it a point to tell me how good they looked and all I wanted to do was whine and tell them how much I just wanted my big, baggy sweaters back.

You see, until not too long ago clothes were camouflage and something to put on to keep my body covered. I didn't care if it looked good: I wanted to be covered. If the clothing wasn't pretty it was no problem: I didn't feel pretty, I didn't care if I looked pretty.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I feel pretty now, but I have taken an interest in clothing. It started with wanting t-shirts that fit. There's nothing like putting a 2XL shirt on to workout and realizing in the middle of bear crawls that everyone in the studio would know what your bra looked like if they were paying attention. So now I have clothing I can wear and not be the FFS flasher.

My attention has turned to my work wardrobe now. That 3XL sweater is a nice color, but it swims on me. I still wear it, but I know I could do better. I feel sometimes like I'm doing my body a disservice by just throwing on whatever clothes I pull out of the closet.

And I have a confession...on weekends, when I have no intention of leaving the house I have a 5XL sweatshirt I pull out to wear. Yes, I said 5XL. I'm pretty sure I could go camping with all of my friends and use that sweatshirt as a tent. It's huge, not in the least flattering and if you ask me to give it up I will fight you tooth and nail to hang onto it.

Why? Why is that enormous old sweatshirt so important to me? Simply put it's about comfort and safety. It's time to let it go: yes I need to feel comfortable and safe, but I can find those feelings with my friends and family. I'm not convinced I'm quite ready to give up the old, baggy clothing yet, but as I told someone on Friday I'm never going to accomplish anything if I don't step outside my comfort zone.

I'm all about stepping away from comfort zones in other areas of my life to see what waits beyond. It's time to do that with my clothes as well. I have some good friends (saints really) who have agreed to go shopping with me sometime after the holidays and help me find clothes that look good and make me feel good too.  I don't have to like it, I just have to take that step with an open mind.

My next post will very likely be the one I planned to write tonight. Year two of this journey is coming to an end. I'd like to reflect on the year and you're welcome to come along if you have nothing better to do.

Thanks for reading!

Please pass the tissues...

In my last blog entry I wondered why I'm an inspiration to some. I would understand being an irritant or a nuisance, but an inspiration: that one I can't quite wrap my head around.

Disclaimer: I am still not asking anyone to explain it to me. This is my forum to work through my "crazies" (Thank you Nedah for that term: it is perfect). If you are reading this you probably know me and know I am obsessive and I tend to get stuck on things when I'm confused. I don't expect anyone to stroke my ego and tell me how great I am. I'm just doing my best to understand.

Since I last posted a dream came true and I got a surprise I couldn't have fathomed and still haven't fully processed. This is my blog, my place to try and make sense of things, so prepare to read my mental gymnastics while I try to figure it all out.

You know, that could be one of my problems: I want everything to make sense. Yes, I mean EVERYTHING. When you have spent any time in your life feeling out of control you cling to any shred of control with all you have. Hence my obsessive need to understand things. If I bore you my feelings won't be hurt if you move on to something more interesting.

On to the dream come true: I was invited to be on the Wall of Fame at Fortitude Fitness Systems. The day before Thanksgiving I was lounging, enjoying a leisurely cup of coffee and an unexpected snow day when a message notification popped up on Facebook. I opened my inbox and swallowed: a message from Ben. Not in and of itself a bad thing, okay reality check: messages from Ben are never bad: usually just answering my latest question and I ask many questions. I can't help it though, it's my knee jerk reaction.

So back to the message. Ben let me know I was being invited to be on the Wall of Fame. This has been my dream since I sidled into the studio for the first time. I looked at those pictures and I wanted to be there too. When the workouts were too hard and I wanted to quit I found my eyes drawn to that wall and those people: I wanted to be there too. The moment had arrived and how did I react: I cried. A proud moment. Then I had to find a before and after picture to send to Ben. That produced a whole new round of tears.I found the pictures, the before picture shows me in April 2010 long before I started my journey, the "after" picture is one taken in November 2013 and it's not an after: it's a "right now".

Fine, I adjusted to the idea of making the Wall of Fame. A few tears, but nothing I couldn't make sense of.

Enter Monday morning. While I was stretching my piriformis muscles which were raising a chorus about the work I had just put them through the instructor said he would be announcing Badass of the Year candidate 2 and that person was in the room. That probably should have given me a clue, but I continued on oblivious to it all. Then he said my name and read what Ben had to say about me. From the moment I heard my name I was on guard: no way was I going to cry in front of all those people.

In the interest of making a long story a little less long: I held the tears off until I was in my car: then all bets were off.

I didn't understand, to be honest I still don't understand. I'm just ME. I don't do what I do for anyone else, I wish I could say I did. Let me be honest and up front: I am selfish. My workouts are for me, so I feel better and maybe look better. I am forcing myself out of my head during workouts and I try to encourage the people around me...sometimes I do it and other times I finish a workout and realize I haven't said a word. I'm working on it, I'm not perfect yet.

What do I feel? I feel bewildered, awed, honored and most of all weepy. I never dreamed I would be considered for Badass of the Year and I certainly don't feel worthy when I look at the first candidate...I'm sure that feeling won't change when Candidate 3 is announced.

I'm starting to look ahead too. 2014 is fast approaching and I intend to be ready. I have several goals that I'll share right now and on January 1 I will share all of my goals again. If I post them here there's a chance I'll be able to remember them, or at the very least, find them when I forget what I was working for.

1. Complete Tough Mudder New England in less than 8 hours.
2. Complete a Spartan Sprint.
3. Flip the 525 pound tire at FFS.
4. Compete in a strongman competition.
5. Begin running.
     a. Complete the Derby Elementary School Cornfield Mile Run in less than 18 minutes.
     b. Complete a 5K in less than 45 minutes.
     c. Train for a half marathon


So there you have it. Thanks for reading...now go back to your evening. I'm going back to being bewildered.