Who me??

So what's new with you? Nothing much new here. I seem to keep encountering the same themes in my life over and over again. This probably means it's time for me to pay attention since I'm obviously missing a lesson I need to learn. I've mentioned before that I'm a slow learner, right? I am not saying I'm stupid, I know I'm intelligent, but there are just some qualities that other people see in me that I don't see so I still find myself perplexed when someone mentions them.

The one I've heard the most and the one I understand the least is that I am an inspiration. I smile, say thank you and silently ponder what the heck people mean. Before you think I'm asking for praise or reassurance: I'm not. I don't see that anything I've done is inspirational to be completely honest. I wasn't the winner of the Biggest Mooser competition, I certainly don't jump out of bed every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning thinking "YES! It's 4:45 am and I get to go sweat and push myself to my limit in a few minutes". In fact, there are some mornings I don't get up.

I don't think I shine in every workout, I struggle to complete reps and I don't think I've ever been able to complete 3 rounds of any group of 3 exercises in 3 minutes, someday I hope for that for now I settle for 1.5 rounds and that's the best I can do. I get angry and frustrated with myself and I'm too quiet and focused on myself to notice those around me very often.

Let me stop for second and say I'm not saying I'm a horrible, rotten person, but if you are looking for inspirations then I can give you a list of people who might be better to look at. Look at Ben, Mary, Nedah, Mike, Julie, Troy, Pam, Sylvie, Carole, Hailey, Lisa, Eric, Jess, everyone on the Wall of Fame: they are inspirational. Me, I'm just struggling to get through the workout like everyone else.

Maybe people think I'm an inspiration because I won't quit? I try to be consistent with my exercise and nutrition and for the most part I succeed. I don't try to shove what I do down people's throats, I know the path I've chosen is right for me, that it won't work for everyone. If you ask me I'll talk to you about it and I'd love for you to come join me at Fortitude Fitness Systems, but I won't nag you until you come. Everyone has their own path and my path won't work for anyone but me.

Maybe I'm an inspiration because I won't lie? You know those people: "Oh, it's so easy. Nothing to it at all". Um, yeah...I'd like to knock people like that down the stairs. Maybe their path truly was easy, but I know mine has been a battle and I've had to decide MANY times whether it's worth it to me to keep going. I haven't quit yet, I don't plan to quit; but that doesn't mean that sometimes I wouldn't like to turn around and walk out the door rather than push that prowler one more time or climb that rope. I won't ever lie to anyone and tell them this is easy. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but it's worth it to me: I am a healthier, overall happier person than I've been before.

If you think I am an inspiration then I sincerely want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm not trying to talk you out of feeling that way: I just want to be honest and tell you I don't understand why. I'm not saying you're wrong, I am wise enough to know that who I see when I look at myself isn't who other people see. I'm not asking you to sit me down and explain your reasons, that just makes me feel like I'm begging for attention and I don't do that. I read a quote once to the effect that what other people think of you is none of your business and I'm content to live with that.

As always, thanks for reading... now back to your day