Well, isn't that special?

Another session has ended and I have new numbers to report. Am I thrilled with the numbers? Frankly: HELL NO! The only positive thing I can think to say at the moment is that the numbers didn't go up. I'll spare you the negatives, but those of you who know me can probably guess what I have been thinking and saying to myself. It's ugly, cruel and uncalled for, let's leave it at that.

I want so much to have a tantrum right now. I am feeling as mature as an overtired 2 year old and this is my forum to be honest. The mask is off here, forgive me for being human. My thoughts at the moment are. "So I deny myself, track every bite, try to stay around 1500 calories per day and exercise at least six times per week. So pardon me, but what the HELL?!! What am I screwing up???

Let me just get those numbers out of the way first. Then you can go back to your lives.

Weight: 242 pounds
Body Fat Percentage: 29.8%
Hips: 48 inches
Waist: 37.5 inches
Thigh: 26.75 inches
Arm: 13.25 inches

My weight went down two pounds and my waist by half an inch. I am not belittling those numbers, not at all. I am just puzzled and concerned that my body fat seems stuck. It's in the average range, so maybe that's where my body wants to be...maybe that is my "normal" and I need to stop thinking I need to be like others I know. I'm me

I don't know...I just feel like I am missing something somewhere and that doesn't work for me. I want to get this right and I want to get it right now.

Maybe that's part of the problem. I refuse to be patient, I won't cut myself any slack, ever. I strive to be nice, patient, helpful and encouraging to my friends, but not with myself. I see the weakness and struggles and keep on pushing.

I realize this is a lifestyle change. There isn't an expiration date, no one is kicking me out of the club if I don't "get it right". I honestly don't think there is one "right way". I need to take what I've learned, what I know and what I discover and make it work in my life.

That's where I am right now. I feel like I'm standing at a crossroad right now and I need to stop and read my map. I can say with absolute confidence that despite a few minutes this morning when I pondered throwing all my hard work away and giving up that going back is not an option.

Someone told me I've come out of the shadows and I don't want to go back there. It's not where I want to live the life I've been given. I don't know precisely where I'm headed and I'm open to suggestions and help.

Thanks for reading...