Acceptance

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Considering my mood lately has gone from rotten to homicidal it seemed best to lay low until that passed. I didn't want to scare off any readers by being a nasty, snarling brute.

I'm back, so you can assume I've gotten my emotions under control and am a somewhat more upbeat, positive person. Yep, that's a good story, we'll stick with that.

My lesson to learn in the last few weeks has been acceptance. Acceptance of myself, my friends and my family.

Accepting my friends has been easy and so rewarding. I have found the most incredible group of people who accept me, support and heck, they even like me. When I need advice, support or encouragement I can call on any of them. Everyone of them has their own life and their own family and they still make themselves available. Thank you all, you know who you are.

Then there's accepting myself. This has been an enormous struggle. I don't have a lot of patience with myself. I want to be at the end of this journey, even though to be honest, I'm not sure what the end of the journey will look like. I've had some minor aches and pains that have made it necessary to modify and I feel like I'm cheating somehow by modifying. Yes, I do know I'm being sensible and making sure I can get back to 100% much faster, but it's still frustrating. Fortunately, even when I am frustrated with myself I have the sense to do what I have been told to do. What's that saying: "If at first you don't succeed, do what your coach told you to do the first time". Something like that and very true.

I've also had to accept that I still struggle with depression. Not to the point I have in the past when the decision to get out of bed in the morning and face the day could seem insurmountable. I NEVER again want to get to the point where I want to open a vein and make the pain go away forever. Exercise has been a godsend for me, it reduces the stress and gives me an outlet for the frustrations and worries. I will mention this to my doctor when I see her, because I know the depression is still there, it stirs every time I encounter an obstacle. I never want to sink so low again: life is too good even when it hurts. I want to live it.

In the interest of keeping this post somewhat positive and upbeat I won't get into accepting family. Suffice it to say I have accepted some truths and made changes.

So, what else is going on?

Well, the scale gave me some good news for the first time in awhile. I have tried to be good about only weighing myself only when I have measurements done. That way when the number on the scale is the same I usually have other numbers to be happy about. Friday morning I decided to break with tradition and just see what the scale said. It was a pleasant surprise.

244 pounds. that means I am down 49 pounds since January 2012. Maybe losing 100 pounds isn't a completely ridiculous, unreachable goal after all.

I will have numbers next week for those of you who care about those things. Me, I'm excited. Even if the numbers don't change much I've worked hard this session.

Thanks for reading...it's good to be back.