Adapt and move on...

This has NOT been a stellar week. More than once I wanted to throw in the towel. Why continue to workout when it hurts? Why not just give up and walk away?

I've asked those questions A LOT recently. My piriformis muscles seemed determined to ache constantly and all the rolling and stretching in the world didn't seem to help. Only it did help, just not in the time frame I wanted. Then my left knee (a constant nemesis) decided after one too many weighted squats and Turkish Get Ups that enough was enough and that started to ache. Top that with a strained rotator cuff and I handled it with about as much grace as a two year old having a tantrum.

I count it a victory that I did not COMPLETELY melt down at bootcamp. I held it together and reminded myself that I was stronger, I was better, this was a temporary setback and I WOULD get through. Then I drove home crying the whole way. I felt like a FAILURE. I didn't do what I wanted to do. So I didn't have my tantrum in front of others, but I had a tantrum. I'm not proud of my tantrum, but I am going to be honest. This blog isn't about making me look good. I want to be real about this journey: IT ISN'T EASY.

I know I make the journey harder than it needs to be by wanting everything to work on MY timeline. I don't want to wait or make slow progress: I want what I want now. That seems to be true of most of us, I know I'm not alone. I reflected a lot on that Thursday night into Friday morning. How much easier would this be if I would listen to my body and stop being so stubborn? Modifying exercises is not a sign of failure, it's probably more a sign of wisdom. I don't believe any of my friends or instructors would think less of me if I just admitted an exercise hurts and asked for a modification or a different exercise altogether. I can't spend so much time worrying that I'm not keeping up with someone else's timeline: If I'm not ready for something, I'm not ready. Pushing and pretending accomplish nothing.

At the heart of my problem is my desire to make everyone happy so they will like me. Honestly, what the heck?! People will think what they want to think about me, that is none of my business. The people who truly care about me and care for me will still be there if I decide I need to do what's best for me. I may disappoint people, I may feel bad, but that would have to be better than feeling constantly on edge and worried that I'm letting someone down. The truth is I am always letting someone down: myself. I am never going to make people like me by being at their beck and call. They will like me or not based on other factors and really, if someone is going to decide they don't like me because I'm not doing exactly what they want I'm better off without that person.  Please keep in mind I'm not saying I know anyone who would do this or feels this way, I'm just working my way through the fears I hold deep inside.

So I am making a new commitment to myself as I come to the 1 year anniversary of the start of this journey.
1. I will pay attention to myself and my body.
2. When I hurt I'll adapt moves, I won't push through the pain silently.
3. I won't push myself beyond what's possible.
4. I will celebrate and enjoy the small victories, not keep looking for and pushing for what I consider to be "big victories". Anything I can do now that I couldn't before is a victory!
5. I will stop comparing myself to others and wanting to be perfect. I'll be myself. If I'm not top performer every class that doesn't mean I failed. If I finish a workout then I've won.

I'm going to adapt, change my attitude and move forward. I'm not going to throw in the towel, I'm not going to quit.

Thanks for reading...