Why I Lift

I follow a page on Facebook called "Girls Who Powerlift". If you have any interest in powerlifting at all, check them out. There are some interesting articles as well as profiles of female powerlifters. One of the things that caught my attention was videos of members talking about why they lift. Not that any of you have asked for that, but it's been on my mind, so I decided I'd write my own list. I'm not going to make a video or anything like that. I'm much better with the written word. When I speak I stutter, stumble over my words and lose my train of thought.

So here goes. My answers to why I lift.


1. I found myself.
I am someone who has spent the majority of her life worrying more about making other people happy than what would make me happy. I often let people tell me what I was doing and when I was doing it. I didn't think it was a big deal, me being happy wasn't important, making other people happy was much more important. Even if making someone else happy made me feel bad that was okay.

Excuse my language, but to HELL with that! To accomplish what I would like to I need to devote time and energy to myself. It took time, it induced A LOT of guilt, but I finally figured out that my wants are just as important as anyone else's. In fact, I've discovered that sometimes it is just fine for me to ask for what I want and to expect to get it. Not every time, I am not a diva, but there have been times recently when I have stood by what I want. Those closest to me will tell you it was hard for me to stand firm, that it took a lot of talking and reminding on their part to get me to stand my ground, but I did it.

I lift because the person I found when I stepped up to that bar intrigued me. She might be scared, her heart is thundering in her ears, but she knows what to do. She knows what to do and she does it.

This person doesn't think she's better than anyone else. In fact, that doesn't remotely matter to her. Her job is to be better than she was the time before and that is all that she cares about. I have discovered I am competitive, but I also want everyone else to do well. I cheer for those I compete against and I am as excited for their PRs and successes as I am for mine.


2. I feel competent.
I am unfamiliar with this feeling. In my other life I am a teacher. I just finished my 16th year of teaching as a matter of fact and I can tell you that in that time, other than my first year when I was sure I knew everything, I have felt competent a handful of times. The question I hate most in interviews? When they say "So tell us why we should hire you?" Seriously?! I haven't ever said it but it is so tempting to reply with "I won't whine and argue when you load me down with way too much work. I'll volunteer for everything under the sun so you won't figure out I have no damn idea what I am doing."

When I lift I feel competent. Maybe I won't pull every bar to lockout and sometimes my squats don't hit parallel, but I still know what I'm doing. I know what I can do to make the next time better. I don't worry my coaches will think I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm upfront with both of them: if I don't get it I say so, I ask for a demo and I won't soldier on if I'm unsure: I'll ask for a spotter or for one of them to watch me. Part of that is the promise I made to one of them to always be honest, but another part of it is being certain enough in my competence to know when I need more help.


3. I like being strong.
There, I said it. I like being strong. I like how it feels. I like knowing when I need to lift the 44 pound box of cat litter, the bag of mulch or the lawnmower I'm going to be able to do it. I like being asked to help move one of the benches at Pride if it is needed in a different location. It's flattering to hear "Okay, Kim and guys: you'll be deadlifting 245 pounds".  Being strong means I can take care of myself and those I care about.

The physical strength has come with a new awareness of my mental strength. I know I have what I need to get through any situation. I suspect I've always had the mental strength, but I didn't trust it before now. I don't always trust it now if I'm being honest but I know the strength is there when I'm done completely freaking out or feeling out of control. When the initial panic subsides I suck in a deep breath, let it out slowly, square my shoulders and get my fierce face on: I'm a warrior, I've got this.

Photo courtesy of Jenice Churchill Photography. Be Your Own Hero concept courtesy of Tyler Tinker

One more thing before I go. I set a new deadlift PR on June 14. 395 pounds! I still grin when I think about that. I tried 405 pounds first and as much as I wanted it I got the bar about a foot off the floor, but I couldn't bring it to lock out. I was bummed about that and Tyler told me to take a walk and get a drink. He removed some plates so I would only be attempting 395 while I was focusing myself. I won't say 395 was easy, it wasn't, but I got it to lock out. YES!  So now the total of all my lifts is 870 pounds (275+200+395= 870). Only 130 pounds to go before I hit 1000 pounds total.

Thanks for reading!

My Niche

Friday, June 10 marked the end of the school year for students. Teachers have one more day to go, but for all intents and purposes the school year is done. Hard to believe that this year marked my 16th year in education. Man, that is a long time. A lot longer than I thought I would stick with it to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do, but sometimes the paperwork and the demands from every direction are wearing. I want to do a good job, I intend to do a good job, but there are days I find myself perusing the help wanted ads or wondering if I can get a job at Wal-Mart.

I have an outlet for the doubt and stress. I lift. I lift barbells, kettlebells, dumbbells, heck I'll lift anything. I'm not going to lie: I love knowing I can lift more than a lot of people. More than that though I like knowing that I am good at something.

I am a person who does better when I know where I fit in. I like to know what my purpose is. Okay, if I'm being honest I don't just like knowing what my purpose is I need to know.

When I started on this fitness journey my purpose was to be in better shape, to enjoy my life and actually live it. That kept me going for a good long while. I am a people watcher though and looking around the gym I noticed people who seemed happy or comfortable doing all those things that didn't come easily or naturally to me. I decided I could fix that by spending even MORE time in the gym.

For the record more time in the gym isn't necessarily the answer. It took me a long time to finally understand that and I don't think I would have realized it or accepted it without a nagging IT band and some honesty from one of my coaches.

I'll be the first to admit that when Tyler suggested I needed to devote more time to recovery I flew completely off the handle. At the time we were communicating through messages, not in person. I am forever thankful for that because I am pretty sure I would have cried and yelled. Not that he couldn't have handled it, but I like to at least pretend I'm a calm, rational person and my reaction to his suggestion was neither calm nor rational. We finally agreed to talk at my next buddy training session and I obsessed about it until the day arrived.

I have an overwhelming fear that I will slide back to who I was before if I don't keep doing everything under the sun. Then there's that other fear that I just don't measure up and no one wants me around. By the time Thursday rolled around that week I seriously considered just backing out of training.

We talked, well mostly Tyler talked. I talked a bit at the beginning, then I listened. I told him he was right, I knew I needed balance, but I couldn't think of a workout I could give up. I felt like he'd given it some thought, that he knew I was completely freaking out and he told me that he never expected me to be the best at everything, that the workouts were designed to have something for the variety of clients he has.

We talked through all the workouts I did in one week and despite my fear that he'd want to take everything away that wasn't the case. Tyler told me that Yoga Corr was important and the Pride Fit Group Training classes were important as was buddy training. He did suggest that I take a break from Muscle Hour for a few weeks and that maybe Saturday Morning Sweat could be cut as well. It flat out scared me, but I agreed.

As much as I would like to be a person who is good at everything, even I have to admit I am not. Doing everything under the sun, going to every class Pride Fitness Performance offers wasn't going to help me capitalize on my niche.

I'm a powerlifter. I need more endurance. I definitely need to be flexible and mobile. Mostly though I want to be stronger. Deep down in my heart, I'd still like to face an American Ninja Warrior course and see what I could do, but I recognize that will likely never happen. What could happen if I am careful and smart and work hard is powerlifting in another venue, a bigger venue. Maybe even a national competition where I could see some of the greats like Kimberly Walford compete. I'm not in that league yet, I know I'm not, but it's a dream and a dream that fits in better with my niche.

I've fit into the teacher niche for 16 years now. For someone who likes to keep her life as neat and ordered as possible it has been a relief to find my niche at Pride. I'm the one who likes anything to do with deadlifts and deadlifts pretty well.

Before I end this I have a new PR (personal record) to report. In my bench press, definitely my weakest lift. At one of my last buddy training sessions with Coach Dane (my buddy and I are spending time working with Coach Tyler again now) we worked on my bench. I did 155 pounds for 3 reps, then 175 for 2 reps. I'd already set a new PR with the 175 so I was happy. Coach Dane decided to see if I had 195 in me. Turns out I did, which was a HUGE deal since I failed my bench attempt at 185 pounds in April. Then he said "I could stop there, but I'm not going to. Let's try one more." I rested for a little bit then got back under the bar. I don't think I knew it was 200 pounds before I started, but I could be wrong about that, it's been a few weeks. It was heavy, there was nothing easy about lowering that bar to my chest then pushing it back up and locking out my elbows, but I did it. I bench pressed 200 pounds.

Let me say that one more time: I. Benched. 200. Pounds.

This happened in May. If I am careful and smart and train hard and it all works as I hope it will I will bench 250 pounds in November.

So, let's see how close I am to the 1000 pound club with my new Bench PR:

Squat: 275 pounds
Bench Press: 200 pounds
Deadlift: 385 pounds
Total: 860 pounds (140 pounds to go!!)

There you have it. My latest ramble.

Thanks for reading!