Three Options

Motivate me, support me or get the hell out of my way.

Those are the three option if you want to be a part of my life. I am not a doormat, I am not weak, I am not going to apologize for being myself anymore. I will not spend one more minute of my life feeling bad for being who I am. Not. One. Minute. 

Not to be rude, or a jerk, but this is the reality. I am a people pleaser by nature and knowing people are unhappy with me or don't like me kills me inside. I would rather someone hit me than tell me I've disappointed them. The fact is not everyone is going to like me and really I would rather have people be honest with me than lie to my face. Lying to me used to be fine with me, but Coach Tyler raised my expectations: I expect the people in my life to be honest with me. I will bend over backwards to accommodate and make my friends happy, so asking for honesty doesn't seem like too much to ask. I might be wrong on that point.

Rant over. I'm going to step off my soapbox now. Let's move on and pretend I didn't just lose my mind all over this blog. If you're still here thank you. I'll try to tone down the crazy from here on out. No promises though...but I will TRY.

I am one week out from my next powerlifting competition. My third meet so I should be feeling okay about it. Well what I should feel and what I do feel are two completely different things. I can see Coach Dane's eyes rolling and hear him sigh as I type this. He might even tell me to "Get it together". He might have a point.

Eye rolling and comments aside I am nervous. Excited yes, which is a welcome change, but still nervous. I have the training, but there will still be unknowns to contend with. I could be all warmed up to Bench Press because the meet director said women were going to start bench pressing in about 20 minutes and it winds up being closer to 50 minutes. Things I won't be able to control could happen. You can imagine how much that thrills me. I'll have my coach there, he'll keep me focused to the best of his ability, but he's only one man and I am one formidable bundle of crazy when I get worked up. Fortunately most of the crazy is on the inside and I look mostly normal on the surface. Or according to my friend Jen I look really mean. Let me find some examples and I'll let you be the judge of whether or not I am scary.

A recent pic from the Asylum  at Pride (courtesy of Tyler Tinker). Okay, so I do look scary in this one. I love it. 

My photo from the "Be Your Own Hero" photoshoot. I do look fierce, but I don't think I'm scary.

My first meet. Someone told me I look fierce in this picture. The truth is I'm wondering if I have time to go vomit before I have to step on the platform. The coaches look pretty fierce though, love those guys.

Okay, so I probably do look scary. I am not though. Truly, I am a nice person, but I am intense. At a meet I am focused on what I need to do and until I've done it I don't let myself relax. I have a job to do and it consumes every bit of my attention. I try to smile, I will accept hugs and I try hard to carry on intelligent conversations. Sometimes I am more successful than other times. 

Do I have expectations for next Sunday? Yes I do. I expect I will be better than I was in April. I expect to have a good time with great people. I do have other expectations, but most of all I want to beat the woman I was in April: that is my ultimate goal. I want to make the time my friends will take out of their day to watch me worthwhile for them.

Thanks so much for reading!