Changes?

Left: January 2012 & on the Right: February 2013

All right, let me just get this out there right from the start. Yes, I know my body has changed. No, I don't see it. I know it has happened, I spent the money on the new clothes, but I don't see it. Perhaps I should be troubled by that, but I have enough sense to know people would not keep telling me how good I look if it were not true, so I listen to them and I try not to worry about my perception.

Does it bother me that my perception of myself is skewed? Yes, sometimes it does. I've always been a "big girl", not that I am a waif now or anything close to that, but I'd like to see the reality. I see the same person as the picture on the left, the "before" picture, whenever I look in the mirror. I think some therapist could make a fortune on me...been there, done that. I'll stick with my workouts. No disrespect meant to anyone in the counseling profession, I just haven't had much luck finding someone I want to trust.. I suspect much of that problem is my own personal problem.

So why this post? I was silent for a long while and now I've written 2 posts in about a week's time. Part of it is I feel like writing. I've put some drama to rest in my personal life and I'm putting the focus on myself.

The job is still overwhelming, frustrating, rewarding, maddening and more work than I feel capable of most days, but I'm going to keep plugging away. The learning curve is  still a vertical line, but a few little things are falling into place so I keep going, hoping eventually all those little things will add up to a big thing and I'll feel like I can breathe and relax just a little bit.

Workouts were going well this week. There was the need to modify the bear crawls on Wednesday, but I was pretty proud that I did 12 bear crawls before the walking lunges were necessary. T-pushups...well, those weren't so successful, but I tried and when it became clear I wasn't showing much common sense continuing with those I went to regular push ups.

Then I got up Thursday morning and I felt awful. I think it's just a cold, but yesterday it felt a lot like I'd been run over by a truck. Today I am just tired...exhausted actually. I'm going to be going to Disney World tomorrow and I am excited, but right now the excitement is dimmed by the feeling I could sleep the entire weekend away and be happy. Nyquil and Dayquil are packed, I'm being compliant with my nutrition and I am giving my body a break from working out so I can kick this cold quickly. I am not going to spend my first ever visit to Disney sick...no way!

So what is going on when I return from vacation? Another VMI weekend and action research. I don't like the idea my vacation will be cut short by VMI, but not having to write sub plans is a bonus.

Fitness-wise, I am debating about signing up for the next Staff vs. Campers Olympics in Derby in April. Mostly I am waiting for the shoulder to be completely healed so I can start forging ahead on my goal to dead lift 320 pounds. Not sure if I'll get to 320 or not, but I am going to lift more than 305 for sure. Training for Tough Mudder too...that will be a definite adventure. I get butterflies thinking about it now...but August 10 I should be bouncing off walls. Stay tuned...that should be supremely entertaining.

For now I'm going to go back to some hot tea and warm, furry cats.

Thanks for reading!