You Never Know

 Hey everyone! Long time no see.

I've decided it's time to come out from under my rock and put some thoughts down. They might be entertaining; I'll strive for that. They might also just be a semi-coherent ramble. You just never know. 

Since my last powerlifting meet in October 2020, I've been busy personally and professionally. Did some floundering, went through some valleys, had a few peaks. 

One of the things I decided on in December 2020 was a new coach. I could have kept getting programs from my former coach and continued on quite happily. I know myself though: I need someone closer than Alaska to keep me on my game. I knew the coach I wanted. First though I contacted my Coach T. I wasn't going to go with a new coach if he was against the idea. He was whole-heartedly for my idea, he told me he had been thinking of suggesting the switch himself. He assured me I was welcome to continue attending Pride. Time to make contact.

I contacted my choice for a new coach, Brad Collins, not sure how long it would take him to get back to me or if he had the space on his roster to add another athlete. I don't think it took twenty-four hours for him to respond. We spoke on the phone a few days later so he could get an idea of what I was looking for and we made an appointment for an intake. 

Can I just tell you the day of my intake at KILOS Performance and Fitness I was so nervous I had serious butterflies and I wasn't at all sure I really wanted to go through with it. I mean, I could keep working during open gym hours at Pride and find a program online to purchase to make sure I was getting my powerlifting training. You have to love the insane, irrational part of my brain that has decided any and all change must be met with flight. I am happy to report my rational side was able to stifle the irrational whiner and the intake was painless. Best of all I had a plan: one night per week at KILOS with three days of open gym at Pride and a program to guide me. 

It took me time to adjust to the change and for many weeks I wasn't sure I'd made the right decision. I felt on the fringe at both gyms, I wasn't sure how I felt about taking video of myself. Actually, that is one hundred percent not true: I knew I HATED taking video. It took some wise words from Coach T to make me think of the videos as a chance to keep track of my progress. Instead of thinking of the shape of my body I could view my technique. Pretty sure Coach Brad isn't looking to see what leggings and top I've chosen when he reviews the videos. 

I am certainly a slow-to-warm-up individual, sometimes to the extreme, so it probably shouldn't have surprised me that I spent so many weeks wondering if I'd made a bad decision. 

Finally, at the beginning of the week I was finishing up an open gym session and had a chance to sit down and chat with a friend. She said she's been watching me, and she sees a whole new confidence and positive energy in me. I had been in my head during my work thinking how heavy my deadlifts were feeling and kind of angry with myself for forgetting my program at home, so I was going by memory on what I needed to work on. She saw none of the garbage in my head: she only saw someone pulling heavy weights and looking strong and confident. 

Fast forward to Wednesday night at KILOS. Back squat night. The program called for a 5X8 at 64% of my 1 rep max. Ah squats, the lift that scares me the most. I know I shouldn't be afraid of squatting Coach Brad isn't suggesting I put more weight on my back than I have the ability to move. Coach Ryan was there, there were safeties up on the rig. Sometimes though the irrational side is shrieking, and Wednesday was that night. Instead of what was programmed I did a 5x8 at 90 kg, which was about 11 kgs less than I was supposed to squat. Honestly the workout was a win: I felt the fear and I walked through it and out the other side. Maybe it wasn't 101 kgs, but it was a win. Whatever it takes, and Wednesday night it took a lot. 

When I was cleaning the plates and returning them a woman approached me to tell me how awesome I was. I was honestly shocked. I was so caught up in what I didn't accomplish I forgot to be aware of what I had accomplished. I don't know who that woman was, but she was so sweet and kind to say what she did to me. 

Just another reminder that we never know who is watching us. Nor do we know what they see. People see a me that I likely never will. I am oh so human and I tend to see the flaws. That isn't a horrible thing, as a powerlifter with designs on competing on a national platform in 2021 or 2022, I need to be aware of what needs work and iron out the flaws in my lifts. I also need to be a little less critical and find the joy in this journey. I need to respect the weight on the bar, but I don't need to, nor should I fear it.

So here's to 2021 and seeing where Coach Brad and I can bring me. Whatever it takes, I will remember to take the work seriously, but to enjoy it as well. 

Thanks for reading!