Friday, July 25, 2014

Try

So two posts ago I rambled on for a long time about a coming change and my ambivalence about it. As with everything else time has passed, the change took place and though I am honest enough to admit I am still ambivalent I am adjusting.

So what was the change? Fortitude Fitness Systems is now only in Lyndonville. The Derby studio has a new owner and a new name. Pride Fitness Performance is in the same location. If you are interested in joining me to check it out just let me know. Friends are welcome.

My ambivalence stemmed from the worry that I would lose people I consider very important parts of my life. What I have realized since the initial announcement on Monday, June 16 is that the people I was so worried I would lose aren't going anywhere. That particular realization took time. In fact, Tuesday, July 22 was when I finally realized I am extraordinarily lucky. I have three amazing instructors I can ask for help and advice any time I need it. Thank you Ben, Mary and Tyler.

What prompted that realization? Obstacle Course Race Conditioning Class (OCR). The class was held at the Lyndon Town School playground so we could all get some experience and practice with equipment that would be similar to what we would encounter at the Spartan Sprint. I was trying and failing miserably at the balance beam. I was frustrated with myself, upset and wondering why in the hell I drove the distance I did to feel like a failure: I could stay home and get that feeling. Ben had just returned from a hill run and watched me for a little bit. Then he started coaching me, offering advice and tips in the same way he always has. It hit me then: he wasn't dropping me, he would still be there to coach, encourage and kick my butt when necessary. I wasn't just money or a nuisance: I was actually a client he cared about and wanted to see succeed.

So now that I have finally processed through the change and its implications I can move forward to see where the road is leading now. I do know I need to sit down soon and think through my workout plan. I love every workout I do, but I think it's possible I need to build in some rest too. My body is amazing and so much stronger than I ever dreamed, but I need to treat it well. Pushing to complete 10 workouts in a week is possible, but some rest might be needed too.

Yes, I work out to release stress, but I also do it because I want to see changes in my body. Of course it's inspiring to realize that I can now hold a side plank for 30 seconds when not so long ago 10 seconds was a stretch. It is motivating to see changes in my strength, but let's be real. I am a visual person. I want to SEE the changes in my body. I want my arm fat to go away, I'd like to see if there are actually muscles under the jiggle on my belly and thighs. I don't want to catch my reflection in the mirror and wince.

I've discussed this with other people and heard that even if I reach those physical goals I may not see them. Sometimes we just don't see the truth in our own bodies. The changes are there, but for whatever reason we don't see them.

My favorite song of the moment is "Try" by Pink. I know it's about persevering through life's ups and downs, but for me it's also a reminder to figure out what's right for me and to allow the people who offer me help inside the walls so they can actually help. There is only so much anyone can teach me when I keep them at arm's length.

So my goal for the next week? Trying to let people in so when I ask for help they can actually provide that help. What a concept, right??

Thanks for reading...