Apparently I had some people in my life who fully believed this word was stamped on my forehead. The expectation seemed to be that when they beckoned I was to JUMP immediately. When I didn't wish to jump and felt like my needs might be important as well it was not well-received.
So during the last week I did something I've been needing to do for some time: I cleaned up my Facebook friends list. Was it hard? Yes and no. Yes because I had to admit that, yet again, I hadn't made a wise choice in people I could trust and count on to care about me. No, because I finally knew it was okay to make my happiness and feelings a priority. Perhaps those people did care, but guilting me for wanting to meet needs other than theirs didn't get that "I care about you" message across very clearly. So I went on a cleaning spree.
I am not usually a cruel person, but if you push me into a corner I WILL come out fighting. Most likely not right away, but I will reach the limits of my patience and then I will handle the situation. Not in the nicest way possible, but I never claimed the nicest person award. I'm learning to take care of myself and focus on my happiness. I want people in my life who respect that and will encourage me.
Hi, I'm Kim and I am NOT a doormat. I do not have WELCOME stamped on my forehead, nor will I ever have it stamped on my forehead. If you want to be a true friend and you love and support me for who I am and who I am becoming then I'm happy to have you. If, on the other hand, you want me around to stroke your ego or meet your needs: I'm sorry, but I'm busy: permanently.
So what else have I been up to besides being ruthless with my friend's list?
Well, in January I sprained my shoulder. I never stopped working out completely, but for about 3 weeks I was doing very little with my left shoulder. Now I'm slowly starting to use it again and push it a little with weights, but it's nothing like what I was doing before. That's not a bad thing, we all need reminders from time to time that we have limits.
I should probably add a little public service announcement/reminder for myself too: Don't assume your trainer can read your mind: let him/her know if something hurts. They really aren't trying to torture you and it makes their job easier if you let them know what hurts. It is a bit of a blow to the pride, but it's better than making an injury worse. I'd rather my pride take a beating than injure myself more. I have come so far from where I was it is scary to be hurt and wonder if you're going to slip back.
For 3 weeks I was pretty much a nervous wreck worrying I wouldn't heal and would end up slipping back into old habits. Finally a doctor's appointment and a massage assured me I was healing and I would be okay with time and common sense. Don't you hate it when your doctor dashes all your hopes by reminding you to apply some common sense to a situation? I do have common sense, I just forget to use it a lot.
This getting used to using the shoulder again is hard. I don't want it to hurt so there's some fear involved in some of the moves I've been asking of it. I do have enough confidence in my instructors to know they won't ask for more than I can give, but they will push me to give what I can. If I can't perform an exercise I ask for modifications, or come up with my own.
I have some new numbers for you too.
I wish I had noise makers to pass out and confetti to throw. the scale FINALLY moved again. After being "stuck" at 253 pounds for what seemed like forever the scale went down 2 pounds. I know the scale isn't the only measure, but it is one most of us have been conditioned to trust. Even with Ben reminding me it isn't the best measure, old habits die hard.
So let's get on to those number so you can get on with your evening!
Weight: 251 (total of 42 pounds lost)
Body Fat Percentage: 29.8% (total of 8.1% body fat lost)
Hips: 49 inches ( 5.75 in. lost)
Waist: 38.25 inches (5.75 in. lost)
Thigh: 26.25 inches (1.5 in. lost)
Arm: 14.25 inches (0.25 in. lost)
So...as of February 1, 2013 I have dropped 42 pounds, 13.25 inches and 8.1% body fat. Not too bad if I may say so myself.
I will try to post entries a bit more frequently, but as you might guess from the beginning of this post I've been preoccupied with some decisions I didn't really want to make. At the end of the day though I am responsible for my own happiness and I have to do what is best for myself.
Thanks for reading.
